Monday, February 04, 2008

'This is for your own good, Bobby'.

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Overheard on the streets of New York:

Girl #1: So, we have a bet -- if I have sex first, then I have to wear a shirt that she's written all over, but if she-- [looks around].
Girl #2: If she what?
Girl #1: ... I'll tell you later. I feel like people are listening, and I don't want to end up on some website.
--Starbucks, 51st & Broadway

Teacher, guiding field trip: Don't you look cute today, April?! I love your dress. I wish I could wear one like it.
Kindergarten girl: Maybe if you lost some weight, you could.
--L train

Stressed manny watching three kids: Ugh! [Under his breath] I'm gonna kill myself...
Little girl: Here's a knife [cheerily hands him a butter knife].
--W Hotel Restaurant, 17th & Park

Mom, looking at bedding: Oooh, this one is nice.
Daughter: Mom, I'm getting married. I want to have sex. Lots of it. Hot, steamy, nasty, married-people sex. I just don't think I can do that on pastels.
--JCPenney bridal registry

Flight attendant: Once again, please remain seated until the captain does turn off the 'Fasten seatbelt' sign... That includes all passengers in row nine... That includes all passengers wearing a blue polo... Yes, thank you, and have a great day.
--JFK

Flight attendant: ... And if you do require anything during this flight, simply press the button located above your head. Do not approach the galley, as it scares the hell out of me and I am not emotionally prepared to handle that today.
--LaGuardia

20-ish guy on cell: Yeah... Yeah, I talked to the cops, too! I told them I would kick her fucking jaw in if I didn't get my money! Ma... Yeah, Ma, you know I don't care!
--Thompson St, between W 3rd & Bleecker
via

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Dear Mom & Dad...

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Jason -- you're not the only one who's upset.

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Grandma hides cocaine in bra

A grandmother was arrested for hiding cocaine in her bra during a drug raid in Oakland Park. Eight others were also arrested. Many of them were her grandchildren.

The Broward County Sheriff's Office said deputies conducted a search warrant on her home and found Daise with powder cocaine stuffed in her bra. Deputies also found 20 crack cocaine rocks, four grams of powder cocaine, marijuana and $1,000 in cash.

The eight face various charges including possession and intent to sell cocaine within 1,000 feet of a church, probation violations and marijuana possession. » Article here

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Guitar Hero dude gets 100% on 'Expert' level of Raining Blood

Yep, that's the '08 Super Bowl MVP, Eli Manning.

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Police officer shoots dude for hitting him in head with stick

An off-duty Jacksonville police officer has shot and wounded a man who hit him in the head with a wooden stick. Officer Jason Weathington says men in a sport utility vehicle threw objects at his personal car as he was driving.

Weathington called county authorities and followed the SUV. It stopped and three men got out. Weathington identified himself as an officer, but one of the men struck him with a long wooden stick. The officer fired his gun and wounded the man. » Article here

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