Overheard on the streets of New York:

Suit #1: So, they fired everyone in your department, but they offered you to stick around for two months and help them with the transition period?
Suit #2: Yeah, they said that there was a very good chance they would keep me on a permanent basis if everything went well.
Suit #1: And you said...
Suit #2: I told them to go fuck themselves. I mean, you can't come into my house, rape my mother, and then expect me to go out drinking with you.

-3 train

Girl: Why don't you just make a list of things I need to change about myself so I can be more like you?
Guy: Okay, let's start with your tooth brushing. How about rinsing off the toothbrush before you put it back into the cabinet so there is not old toothpaste and spit dripping off of it? And how about rinsing after you brush?
Girl: Anything else?
Guy: No, I think that's the only thing you need to change about yourself.

-88th & Amsterdam