Overheard on the streets of New York:

Guy: And as I walked out the door I said to her, "One last thing - if your pussy is so good, why don't you eat it yourself?"
-33rd & Park

Guy #1: I stayed the night at her place and woke early. She was still asleep.
Guy #2: What did you do?
Guy #1: I got up and was going to make myself breakfast. But when I cracked the egg open it got away from me.
Guy #2: Where did it go?
Guy #1: It slid down a crack between the counter and the stove.
Guy #2: What did you do?
Guy #1: I put everything away and climbed back into bed.
Guy #2: You know that shit is going to stink!
Guy #1: Yeah, I'm sure it will.
-97th & Broadway

Girl: Wow! Did you see the rack on her?
Guy: Where?
Girl: Over there...
Guy: Man! You're not kidding!
Girl: See what I do for you? Who's the best girlfriend ever?
-Rockefeller Center

[via OHINY]