Overheard on the streets of New York:

Girl: He only stuck it in, so it doesn't count.
Boy: Stuck it in? Like what's that mean?
Girl: I dunno, like three thrusts, tops.
Boy: Yeah, you're a virgin still. It has to be at least five thrusts to count.
-74th St & Ditmars, Jackson Heights

Girl #1: Will you stop staring up at the buildings? You look like a terrorist.
Girl #2: Uh...
Girl #1: Tourist. I mean tourist.
-53rd & 6th

Man with facial hair: You can only really pull off a Fu Man Chu if you're a cop, a gay porn star, or a pirate.
-Virgin Records, Times Square

Chick: I hate this museum. It's filled with stuffed monkeys who all look like they're crying.
-D train at 81st St, Natural History Museum

College kid on cell: He used my razor to shave his balls....I didn't know what to do, I just stood there.
-85th & 2nd

David Letterman, on the Senate voting against the gay marriage amendment: "It was a very close vote. 43 voted 'yea.' 44 voted 'ney.' And 3 voted 'fabulous'” ("Late Show," 6/6).

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