Overheard on the streets of New York:

Man: When I look up at all these buildings and I think about the people who live in them, I only have one question, 'where do they all barbeque?'
-Times Square

Guy: I wanna go to a zoo where all the animals are wearing pants.
-Prospect Park Zoo

Guy: James Blunt is my homie. He gets me laid, on occasion.
-Men' s room, MTV Time Square office.

20-year-old woman: Well, I never thought I'd be attracted to an 18-year-old, but here I am.
-Royal Indian Restaurant, 1st Ave

Woman #1: I was dreaming that I was dreaming that I was awake but wanted to take a nap. So I did and I started dreaming. Then I woke up... but I was still asleep!
Woman #2: Wow.
--13th & University

Girl #1: My worst fear is falling on a picket fence or getting eaten by a shark.
Girl #2: Oh yeah, well my worst fear is someone pushing me forward onto a blackboard and having my teeth scrape down the front. That would be awful.
-Grand Central Station

Bouncer: Your ID doesn't scan...
Drunk boy: Are you kidding? I paid extra for scanable.
-Mercury Bar

Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm just going to power off the plane for a minute and restart it. Kind of like control-alt-delete on your computer.
-LaGuardia

Lady: You're making me wet... I SAID you're making me wet.
Man: Yes, I tend to have that effect on the ladies.
Lady: With your umbrella.
Man: I'm flattered, but it's not that big.
-1 train

Coworker #1: So what've you been up to?
Coworker #2: The usual. Just whacked off.
Coworker #1: Dude, you're on speakerphone.
-Office, Midtown

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