Overheard on the streets of New York:

Girl: Seriously, I'd give, like, 20 blowjobs to get an apartment.
-Barna, 26th & Park

Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin' awesome kisser.
-NYU

Girl on cell: He said he wouldn't leave until I kissed him... so I kissed him while I was on the toilet!
-115th St & Manhattan Ave

Dorky college freshman: Dude, I totally blacked-out last night... Last thing I remember I was dancing with her mom.
-1 train, Times Square station

Young son: Your penis is bigger than my penis.
Father: I should hope so. [Several seconds later] Don't touch it!
-Big Apple Circus, men's room

Bum to man stumbling while reading Hamlet: Yeah, that's right, Hamlet. That's what you get for killing Polonius that way, you son of a bitch.
-W 43rd

Chick: So then he slammed my infected eyebrow right into his crotch. It was terrific!
-Theater, 1st Ave & 9th St

Substitute teacher: How do you spell 'attendance?'
Student: Oh, why? Are you doing a crossword puzzle?
Substitute teacher: I'm taking attendance; what the fuck do you think I'm doing?
-Stuyvesant High School

Hipster chick: Do you think New Yorkers are mean, or are we just so jaded we're not fazed by anything?
Hipster dude: I think it's a combination of both.
Hipster chick: Because, well, my friend just found out he has testicular cancer, and he's getting one of his balls removed on his birthday. And I thought that was hilarious. You know what else? Maybe New Yorkers are also whores -- I seriously considered sleeping with him just so I could say I was the last person to see his left ball.
Hipster dude: That's a bit soulless. But it's also a little funny.
Hipster chick: See, really, if you think about it in the right way, everything is funny.
Hobo: You're just a mean whore.
-Bedford & 6th St
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