Overheard on the streets of New York:

Girl, squealing: You may kiss me, I consent!
Guy: I'd rather have a dwarf chew off my balls. I hate you.
-Museum of Sex

50-ish female lawyer at reunion party: Hi! Remember me?
50-ish male lawyer: [Long pause] Sure. 1981. Twelve dates, a carriage ride in Central Park, and I couldn't even get a hand job from you. How's your virginity?
-Brooklyn Law School

Shish kebab vendor: Are you sure you want the really hot sauce...? And not the regular hot sauce?
Girl: Um, why?
Shish kebab vendor: Want me to describe it? It's like if I tear out your asshole and tickle it.
-Main St, Flushing

Bimbette: What's the plural of 'Jesus'? Jesuses? Jesi?
Friend: Why would you ever need to pluralize 'Jesus'? There's only one!
Bimbette: Well, like, if you were at a Halloween party or something and you had to tell your friend 'There were, like, eight Jesi at the party last night!'
Friend: Just stop talking.
-Grand Central

Young woman #1: Guys never want to eat me out.
Middle-aged dad with kids: Hey, we're trying to eat over here.
Young woman #1: See, even hearing about it freaks them out.
Young man at next table: Maybe I can take a look for you and give you my assessment.
Middle-aged dad with kids: For God's sake, this is a family restaurant!
Young woman #2: You have a very controversial vagina.
-Mickey D's, Times Square

Girlfriend: What would you do if I just suddenly grew a penis?
Boyfriend: Well, first I'd scream. Then, I'd probably jack you off.
-7 train station, Main St

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