Overheard on the streets of New York:

Chick #1: Wow, you're really good at that!
Chick #2: Eh, I think the trick is to start young.
Chick #3, looking worried: Handjobs?
Chick #2: Uh... No. Using chopsticks.
-New Big Wong Restaurant

Girl: Boys never use the stalls, do they?
Boyfriend: I do. I don't want anyone to see my 10-inch penis.
Girl: 10 centimeters.
Boyfriend: Aren't inches bigger than centimeters? I think so. 10 inches.
Girl: You're sleeping on the couch tonight.
-Roseland Ballroom

Teen girl #1: He broke up with me on Facebook!
Teen girl #2: Like, on your wall?
Teen girl #1: No, he just changed his status back to 'Single'!
-Metro North terminal, Grand Central

Guy #1: Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted.
Guy #2: I am. My life is so weird right now.
Guy #1: Still working on the divorce?
Guy #2: That's pretty much finalized, actually. It's this girl I started seeing last week.
Guy #1: Wait, you're dating that hot Russian chick?
Guy #2: Yeah, Svetlana*. She's a total nympho -- I haven't slept in days. She won't leave my crotch alone. Plus, whenever we're going at it she keeps calling me 'Master.' It's fucked up.
Guy #1: You just lost any chance at sympathy, asshole.
-D train

Redhead: I was so wasted that I ended up fucking this guy right on the bar. On the bar.
Brunette: You what?!
Redhead: Yeah, they told me to never, ever come back in there again.
Brunette: Holy shit.
Redhead: Oh, but it gets worse.
Brunette: How can it possibly get worse?
Redhead: He was a big, fat guy.
Brunette: You really shouldn't do shots.
-Washington Square

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