Overheard on the streets of New York:

Seven-year-old boy: Dad, what does A-N-A-L spell?
Dad, pausing and looking horrified, then relieved: Canal! There's a C first. We're at Canal Street.
-6 train

Teen girl #1: Wait, so you just let him do you in the butt? You let him sodomize you?
Teen girl #2: It wasn't bad. I couldn't shit for a few days, though. So I took some laxatives, then I shit myself in the mall yesterday.
-Liberty Island

Teen #1: Hey, man, I think we should get our important stuff laminated. No one ever questions lamination.
Teen #2: Yeah, I could get my hall pass and be at a club and the bouncer would let me in.
Teen #1: Yeah, because of the lamination.
-Times Square

Girl: So, are you still getting me pregnant this weekend?
Confused boyfriend: ... What?
Girl: Oh. Did I not tell you about that?
-TKTS booth, Times Square

Angry guy: Fuck her and fuck her wedding. I piss on her nuptials. I shit on her nuptials.
Angry wife: I know. I know. But we still have to send a gift.
Angry guy: A gift? I should shit in a box! Tomorrow you get a box from Tiffany's. Today I eat walnuts!
-Trader Joe's, 14th St

Lady: Do I look fat in this dress?
Bystander: Yeah, you do. What? We were all thinking it!
-71 Continental Ave station

Mother to three-year-old daughter: Hey, it's Santa on the phone. And you know what he says? Stop taking my credit cards.
-Metro-North train

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