Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Overheard on the streets of New York:

Stuffy white lady pushing stroller, to friend: I can't believe people are actually taking Justin Timberlake seriously these days.
Hipster crossing East: He brought sexy back, bitch! What the hell did you do?
--Central Park West

Health student #1: It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation to increase the population of the younger generation. I got this information from the board of education...
Health student #2: No, it should go like this: It's a man's obligation to stick his cockulation into a women's ventilation to increase the population of the younger generation of our nation. I got this information from the board of education. If you want a demonstration, lie down.
--Middle school, Manhattan

Dude #1: They have been underestimating my power.
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They have been underestimating my power for quite some time now.
Dude #2: What are you, a supervillain? Who's been underestimating your power? The justice league?
Dude #1: No, the electric company. They say I owe them eight hundred dollars.
Dude #2: Dude, you and I were having two totally different conversations.
--Penn Station

Texting guy: Hey, I tried to type 'nipple pasties,' and the phone knew the word 'pasties'!
Friend: ... Why are you texting 'nipple pasties'?
--Wyckoff & Stanhope, Brooklyn

Girlfriend: Get up!
Boyfriend, lying flat on back with vomit on shirt: You are the worst girlfriend I've ever had.
--2nd Ave, between 10th & 11th St

Drunk woman in long fur coat: Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me! I gotta pee!
Tourist: Yeah, we've been waiting for a while. [Nods in direction of unattended mop soaking in bucket, and laughs] I mean, you could always use that thing, I guess.
Drunk woman: Okay, alright -- just tell me if anyone is coming! [Hikes up coat and begins to pee in bucket.]
Tourist: Jesus Christ! I've been here one day, and I'm responsible for encouraging public urination.
--Line for restroom, McDonald's, Times Square

Blonde tourist #1: I think we have plenty of time before our train leaves. What time is it?
Blonde tourist #2: I have no idea. My cell phone is dead. [To passing suit] Um, sir? Do you know what time it is?
Suit, rolling his eyes up at huge clock, then at blondes: Nope.
--Grand Central info booth with four-sided clock on top




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