Monday, February 04, 2008

Overheard on the streets of New York:

Girl #1: So, we have a bet -- if I have sex first, then I have to wear a shirt that she's written all over, but if she-- [looks around].
Girl #2: If she what?
Girl #1: ... I'll tell you later. I feel like people are listening, and I don't want to end up on some website.
--Starbucks, 51st & Broadway

Teacher, guiding field trip: Don't you look cute today, April?! I love your dress. I wish I could wear one like it.
Kindergarten girl: Maybe if you lost some weight, you could.
--L train

Stressed manny watching three kids: Ugh! [Under his breath] I'm gonna kill myself...
Little girl: Here's a knife [cheerily hands him a butter knife].
--W Hotel Restaurant, 17th & Park

Mom, looking at bedding: Oooh, this one is nice.
Daughter: Mom, I'm getting married. I want to have sex. Lots of it. Hot, steamy, nasty, married-people sex. I just don't think I can do that on pastels.
--JCPenney bridal registry

Flight attendant: Once again, please remain seated until the captain does turn off the 'Fasten seatbelt' sign... That includes all passengers in row nine... That includes all passengers wearing a blue polo... Yes, thank you, and have a great day.
--JFK

Flight attendant: ... And if you do require anything during this flight, simply press the button located above your head. Do not approach the galley, as it scares the hell out of me and I am not emotionally prepared to handle that today.
--LaGuardia

20-ish guy on cell: Yeah... Yeah, I talked to the cops, too! I told them I would kick her fucking jaw in if I didn't get my money! Ma... Yeah, Ma, you know I don't care!
--Thompson St, between W 3rd & Bleecker
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