Monday, January 09, 2006

Children tell it like it is...

Couple Finds Condom Inside Bag Of Nuts?

A couple who bought a bag of nuts got a surprise when they opened one and found a condom inside.

Dian Geist of Silt bought a bag of unshelled nuts from an open bin at a Wal-Mart Supercenter. She said she and her husband, Brian, had a good laugh when a bright yellow condom popped out of one nut.

The couple took the filbert nut and its contents back to Wal-Mart, where an assistant manager photographed it before the Geists took it to police.

Police said someone had drilled a hole in the nut, emptied the shell, inserted a condom then plugged the hole with wood putty.

Police Chief Daryl Meisner said it appeared no crime was committed.

"The condom was new and unused, so it probably wasn't anything malicious. I can't find where any law has been broken," he said.

"Whether someone thought it was a joke, we take it very seriously," Wal-Mart spokeswoman Karen Burk said. "This is a food-tampering issue."
Article here.

My ski trip was a blasty-blast. I didn't die...

He-Hey! I made it back in one piece! For those of you that didn’t know, I took a week off from work and Across-the-Board and traveled to the fabulous ski resort, Wolf Creek Colorado. How was it? Well, it was everything my wildest dreams imagined. Myself and 18 of my closest college buddies (yes, you read right 18 dudes) spent an entire week just ‘shreddin the slopes’ and ‘throwin back special fruit juices.’ Check out the pictures below, and be sure not to miss the video of me ‘bustin’ my ass trying to look cool off of a ski-jump. Click here to watch the video. Pathetic, I know. Hahaha :)

Where we stayed (my friends cabin)
All the dudes looking pretty
Our liquor bill... (minus the keg)
My buddy Matt eyeing the ski run
Click to watch me 'bust my ass'

I'm f*cking tired of girls who like baby sh*t!

"Why the f*ck are there still college aged girls (and older) who are OBSESSED with Winnie the Pooh and Disney, and a bunch of other crap made for babies? What the f*ck? That sh*t is for little kids. These girls live in a fantasy world. Damn, I didn't even know that they made Winnie the Pooh clothes for anybody over the age of 5, but guess what, they do. And guess what else? They apparently have a whole line of Winnie the Pooh clothes and accessories to service women of all ages.

Imagine trying to have a rational conversation with somebody of your own age, and also imagine being older than 5 years old..." click here to read the rest of the entire 'rant'

Pizza delivery man beat up by 11-year old girls?

A pizza delivery man in Cincinnati has told police he was the victim of a robbery attempt yesterday- by a pack of girls.

Police say he described his assailants as five very young girls. Investigators believe they're looking for suspects in the eleven-to-14 age group.

A police captain says it's a little disturbing.

The 21-year-old delivery man says the girls tried to take the pizza from him and ended up knocking him to the ground. But he wasn't hurt, and nothing was taken. He says when he arrived at the spot where he was supposed to deliver the pie, it seemed the girls were waiting for him.

OK, uh seriously? This dude is 21 and he can’t handle a bunch of elementary school girls? WTF? Come on buddy. Well, maybe I’m just being too critical… after all this guy is 21-years old and he is a pizza delivery boy. Pathetic, amusing, and very disturbing that this actually happened. Article here.

Needless to say, this boat ride is a little crowded

You should always have fresh can of Insta-poop

“Need to pull a great office prank? Put a pile of crap on your boss' desk!"

Insta-Poop! Yeah, that's really what it's called. This product is up for auction on eBay here.

Hi my name is,

A Virginia animal rights activist has legally changed his name to

The youth outreach coordinator for People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals said he changed his name from Chris Garnett to support the group's anti-KFC campaign.

Ahhh, it is never surprising to see the wonderful joyous opportunities of freedom that America allows. Even if sometimes it is completely and utterly loony rationale. Article here.

Looks aren’t everything, just ask Jennifer Aniston

Who the f*ck is this guy she’s talking to?

Whoa, dude... a two headed albino rat snake!

This snake (named 'We') will be on eBay and will start at $150,000. The St. Louis World Aquarium who owns the snake originally paid $15,000, knowing full well that most two-headed snakes don't live more than a few months. The snake is currently over 6-years-old.

How freakin’ sweet is this? Now, don’t get me wrong- I scream like a little girl/cringe every time I’m in the presence of a snake… but this picture is still cool to look at.

Cheerleading coach taught sex acts to her team

A high school cheerleading coach resigned Thursday following allegations that she was telling her team how to perform certain sex acts.

Those instructions were allegedly given by coach Katie Chase during a team-building sleepover.

After the sleepover, a concerned parent called an outside police department. Police then contacted Sultan police, who investigated and determined that Chase had done nothing criminal.

A new cheerleading coach has already been hired. Article here.

Aww... check out the dog trying to run the race

Brother kills sister for not turning down the TV

Annoyed by a loud television, an irate man strangled his sister after she refused to turn down the volume, police sources said yesterday.

Ozem Goldwire, 27, called 911 Monday night and told cops he found his sister, Sherika Goldwire, 28, unconscious in her bed at 8 p.m. in their Ocean Hill home, the sources said.

Neighbors described him and his sister as mentally challenged.

Their mother, Essie Goldwire, 65, rejected the police version of the slaying, insisting her daughter was the victim of a burglary. "It would have been easy to put words in his mouth," she said. "They've got separate TVs. Why would they fight?"

Essie Goldwire said her son had told cops he found the house ransacked, his sister's purse on a hallway floor and her lifeless body under a blanket. "He got scared," she said. "He didn't do it.

Is it just me, or is anyone else really confused on what's actually is going on here? Article here.

So, can anyone here read lips?

...she's wearing skimpy, skintight short shorts and a a light lowcut mini T-shirt that bares her midriff, but for some reason her neck is cold?

Wal-Mart hates black people? WTF?

Wal-Mart stirred outrage when its Web site suggested that shoppers who wanted to buy a "Planet of the Apes" DVD would be interested in biopics of famous black Americans like Martin Luther King Jr.

The giant retailer blamed a computer glitch for the "offensive" recommendations - and said it was overhauling its online operations until a fix could be made.

Consumers who clicked on the DVD of the original TV series - a cult classic in which the Earth is ruled by gorillas - were routed to four movies about Martin Luther King, actress Dorothy Dandridge, boxer Jack Johnson and singer Tina Turner.

"It's outrageous. I've never heard of anything like that," the Rev. Al Sharpton said when he was told of the pairings.

As evidence that the "Planet of the Apes" recommendations were not intended as a slur, Wal-Mart pointed out that the film "Home Alone" yielded the same suggestions. The company planned to remove the questionable combos from its Web site last night and suspend its entire "cross-selling" program until the snafu is corrected.

Hmmm... insulting and inadvertently derogatory, yet twistedly humorous. Thanks Wal-Mart for once again ‘fu*king-up big-time.’
Raise your hand if you hate Wal-Mart. Article here.