Tuesday, March 20, 2007

WTF?

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Overheard on the streets of New York:

Seven-year-old boy: Dad, what does A-N-A-L spell?
Dad, pausing and looking horrified, then relieved: Canal! There's a C first. We're at Canal Street.
-6 train

Teen girl #1: Wait, so you just let him do you in the butt? You let him sodomize you?
Teen girl #2: It wasn't bad. I couldn't shit for a few days, though. So I took some laxatives, then I shit myself in the mall yesterday.
-Liberty Island

Teen #1: Hey, man, I think we should get our important stuff laminated. No one ever questions lamination.
Teen #2: Yeah, I could get my hall pass and be at a club and the bouncer would let me in.
Teen #1: Yeah, because of the lamination.
-Times Square

Girl: So, are you still getting me pregnant this weekend?
Confused boyfriend: ... What?
Girl: Oh. Did I not tell you about that?
-TKTS booth, Times Square

Angry guy: Fuck her and fuck her wedding. I piss on her nuptials. I shit on her nuptials.
Angry wife: I know. I know. But we still have to send a gift.
Angry guy: A gift? I should shit in a box! Tomorrow you get a box from Tiffany's. Today I eat walnuts!
-Trader Joe's, 14th St

Lady: Do I look fat in this dress?
Bystander: Yeah, you do. What? We were all thinking it!
-71 Continental Ave station

Mother to three-year-old daughter: Hey, it's Santa on the phone. And you know what he says? Stop taking my credit cards.
-Metro-North train


via

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Carmen Electra falls on runway at fashion show

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Mom, boyfriend jailed for having sex in front of 9-year-old

A mother and her boyfriend were sentenced to three years probation on Monday for having intercourse in front of the woman's 9-year-old daughter to teach the girl about sex.

Chief Family Court Judge Jeremiah S. Jeremiah Jr. sentenced Rebecca Arnold of Woonsocket, and her boyfriend, David Prata, to probation and a three-year suspended sentence after they pleaded no contest to a felony child neglect charge.

During an investigation by the state child welfare authorities, Prata, 33, said he and Arnold, 36, had sex "all the time" in front of the child and that "we don't believe in hiding anything." He told an investigator that they did not force the girl to watch. Article here.

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Even if it's cheating -- you gotta admit, it's clever

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Dude goes into Wal-Mart, masturbates on clothes, then leaves.

It's illegal to walk into a department store, grab women's clothing and other merchandise, masturbate on it all and then leave. It might just be dumb to go back afterward.

That's how police ended up finding and charging 20-year-old Joseph Eric Renno with open lewdness last week.
Renno, was spotted taking magazines and clothes into a dressing room at Wal-Mart. The store's loss prevention officer suspected he might be trying to steal things when he walked out of the dressing room a bit later without the merchandise.

She went to check the dressing room and found the magazines and a man's shirt, plus panties and a bra. She also found a thick substance she believed to be semen on the items and the dressing room mirror.

The merchandise, valued at $36, was destroyed except for the shirt, which police kept as evidence. Another Wal-Mart employee told police the man frequented the store; she knew him as ''Eric.'' Employees promised to call police if the man returned. He did last Friday.

Police went to the Wal-Mart when employees called, found Renno and took him to headquarters for questioning. He admitted masturbating on the mirror and the merchandise, police said.

Richland Police Chief Larry Cerami said there's no evidence Renno planned to masturbate on more items when he returned to the store. Article here.

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U.S. Postal Service, paints mail boxes like R2D2.

U.S. Postal Service mail box painted 400 mail boxes nationwide into the R2D2 look-a-likes in advance of their plans to issue a stamp commemorating the film.

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The ‘nerdy’ way to tell your husband you're leaving

(photo source here)

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Dude only wearing underwear, chases down thief in van.

The owner of a stolen pickup truck, wearing only his underwear, used his wife's van to chase down the thief. The 29-year-old man was sipping coffee in his garage before dawn Sunday when his Ford Ranger suddenly started up and roared off.

The man, whose name was withheld, then jumped into his wife's van and, wearing only his underwear, gave chase. Inside the floor-installer's pickup were his tools.

"He said 'I just couldn't let my truck go because it's my livelihood,'" said Kirk Durbin of the California Highway Patrol. The man pursued his pickup at speeds up to 80 mph in the unincorporated Riverside County community before ramming the Ford Ranger with his wife's van. The pickup struck a concrete barrier and the thief ran into a field and got into a Chevrolet S-10 pickup and fled.

By the time investigators arrived, the man had called his wife on a witness's cell phone and had her bring him some clothes, the CHP officer said. Article here.

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Dudes 'pimp-my-Ferrari' by stretching it out

Some dudes in a chop-shop somewhere have taken things a step further by hacking a perfectly good Ferrari in two and adding a few seats.

To make matters worse, this wasn't some 80's-era $30k Ferrari, either: they've chopped up a previous-generation 360 Modena, arguably among the most beautiful of modern road-going Ferraris. Source.

This is the automotive equivalent of painting a mustache on the Mona Lisa.

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Lindsay Lohan doesn’t believe in wearing bras or buttons.

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Man jailed 18 years on bogus rape charges. Freed. Commits murder.

A man who spent 18 years in prison for a rape he didn't commit was convicted Sunday of murdering a photographer, whose charred bones were found in a burn pit outside his home.

Steven Avery, 44, shook his head when the verdict was read. He faces a mandatory life prison term for killing Teresa Halbach, 25, on Halloween 2005 near his family's salvage yard.

Halbach disappeared after going to the yard to photograph a minivan that Avery's sister had for sale through Auto Trader Magazine. Avery had called that morning to request the photo, testimony showed. A few days later, Halbach's vehicle was found in the Avery salvage lot under branches, pieces of wood and car parts. Investigators then spent a week on the 40-acre property and found charred fragments of her bones in a pit behind Avery's garage and in a barrel, along with her camera and cell phone.

Two years before Halbach died, Avery was released from prison after serving 18 years for a Manitowoc County rape that DNA analysis showed he did not commit. He later settled a wrongful-conviction lawsuit against the county for $400,000 and used it for his defense.

After the verdict was read, Halbach's brother, Mike Halbach, told reporters that he was pleased and that he believed his sister's spirit guided the jury. "What matters is that Steven Avery is going to be in prison for rest of his life, which from the start is what we wanted," he said. Article here.

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Semi-sorta-funny [SNL skit], 'The Boom Mic'

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Shrink sticks toliet brush up patient's ass for therapy?

A psychiatrist promised Monday to never return to his profession in the wake of allegations of bizarre sexual abuse that included the assault of a male patient with a toilet brush.

Dr. Juan Ernesto Tejeda Rosario, who also faces criminal charges, submitted a written resignation to the College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario at the start of his disciplinary hearing in Toronto.


The 63-year-old was also charged January 31 with six criminal counts of sexual assault against two male patients for acts allegedly committed over the last decade.

Allegations states he had oral and anal sex with one patient, had the man masturbate in his presence and instructed the patient to masturbate him. The notice also alleges Tejeda paid his patient's girlfriend $3,000 to keep quiet about the relationship.

It's alleged Tejeda started a second inappropriate relationship with a patient in 1991 that began with questions about the man's sexual likes and dislikes and escalated to anal and oral sex at the office. The notice of hearing alleges Tejeda often gave the patient money and that he engaged in sexual fantasies in which he discussed roughing up the patient. Article here.

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