Wednesday, September 27, 2006

How did this happen? Ewwwww......

Drunk best man goes to jail, misses wedding

A 29-year-old man who had flown in from Australia to be the best man at his friend's wedding got himself arrested - twice - and ended up missing the wedding.

Kersten Fernandes' problems began about 2:50 a.m. Saturday, when police said he and four others were highly intoxicated and began pounding on doors along Bourbon Street. The group, members of the wedding party, was staying at a home on Bourbon Street but couldn't remember which one, South Windsor police Sgt. Scott Custer said.

"They were staying down the street at a home, the whole wedding party," Custer said Sunday. "Of course, being from Sydney, Australia, [Fernandes] had no idea where he was."

During the door-pounding, the men got into a dispute with Peter Morlock, 47. When Morlock opened his door, he pointed what appeared to be a handgun at Fernandes and ordered him off his property, police said. As Fernandes and his friends retreated, Morlock followed them into the street, police said.

Morlock then placed the gun against the head and throat of another member of the wedding party who had been trying to get Fernandes away from Morlock, police said. Officers later arrested Morlock and seized what they described as a realistic looking pellet gun.

Fernandes was also arrested and charged with a single count of breach of peace for the incident, and his bail was set at $1,000.

While in custody in the police department's jail, dispatchers who monitor the facility with closed-circuit television said they saw Fernandes masturbating in his cell. A second count of breach of peace was added. Fernandes is due this morning in Superior Court in Manchester.

Although he was released on bail, he did not do so in time for the wedding. "He was told by the family they no longer needed his services for making a mess in their neighborhood," Custer said.

Morlock was charged with threatening, second-degree reckless endangerment and breach of peace. He was released on $5,000 bail and is due in Superior Court in Manchester on Oct. 5. Article here.

This plane is not full size, uh – wow?

Top 10 Orgasmic Positions for Women:

Sex Researcher Beverly Whipple, PH. D., coauthor of The Science of Orgasm, has spoken with 5000 women about their orgasms. Her list of positions, ranked by effectiveness are below:

1. Woman on Top
2. Reverse Cowgirl
3. Rear Entry
4. Modified Missionary (man kneeling with his top half upright)
5. The Butterfly (missionary, with the womans pelvis tilted up, a pillow under the butt helps, and her legs in the air)
6. Coital Alignment Technique (start out in missionary position; he edges forward until both partners' pubic bones meet)
7. Standing Facing Each Other
8. Standing Rear Entry
9. Sitting Lotus Position
10. Spooning


Clever vodka AD... get it?

6-year-old boy did 10,000 pushups in 3 hours?

Lu Di, 6, does pushups as other young kungfu students watch at a kungfu school in Central China's Henan Province July 26, 2006. According to school president Shi Yongdi, Lu did 10,000 pushups in three hours and twenty minutes four days ago. Since he shows so much promise, Shi says the school will waive his tuition for ten years.

While I’d like to give the person who witnessed this feat the benefit of the doubt… did he really do 10,000 pushups? I mean that has to be some kind of egsaduration. Holy hell that's a lot of pushups. Can people in the Army even do this many this fast? The kid is only 6! Article here.

Can you find the camel toe?

Breakfast is NOT the most important meal?

Whatever you do, don't skip breakfast. Breakfast: It's the most important meal of the day. Or is it?

Scientists are not challenging the practice of sending children off to school with some oat bran or eggs in their belly. They acknowledge the many studies reporting that children who eat breakfast get more of the nutrients they need and pay more attention in class.

They do say, however, that the case for breakfast's benefits is far from airtight — especially for adults, many of whom, if anything, could stand skipping a meal. "For adults, I think the evidence is mixed," says Marion Nestle, professor of nutrition, food studies and public health at New York University who hasn't eaten breakfast in years because she is just not hungry in the morning.

It may be more healthful for adults to skip breakfast, as long as they eat carefully the rest of the day.
What you eat — and how much — matters more to your health than when you eat." Read the full article here.

Smoking the hookah -- and blowing O's

Top 10 Real Porn Movie Titles:

List #1:
1. Raiders Of The Lost Arse
Scrotal Recall
3. The Empire Strokes Black
4. Porn on the Fourth of July
5. Shaving Ryan’s Privates
6. To Drill a Mockingbird
7. Who’s Eating Gilbert Grape?
8. When Harry Ate Sally
9. Pocahotass
10. Weapons of Ass Destruction

List #2
1. 28 Gays Later
2. A Rear and Pleasant Danger
3. An Officer in a Gentleman
4. Ball the President’s Men
5. Ben-Hur Over
6. Big Trouble in Little Vagina
7. Black Cock Down
8. Close Encounters of the Sperm Kind
9. Das Booty
10. Done In 60 Seconds

List #3
Night of the Giving Head
2. Mary Shelley’s Yankin’ Mine
3. Fagnolia
4. Fill Bill
5. Gangbangs of New York
6. Glad-he-ate-her
7. Goodfellatios
8. Lawrence of a Labia
9. Missionary Impossible
10. ET: The Extra Testicle

Why does Wyoming hate Terrell Owens?

(click to enlarge)

Frat dude sleepwalks out window, falls 3-floors

A sophomore at the University of Illinois he had crawled out of the window of his fraternity house at about 3 a.m. and fallen three stories. He shattered a kidney, bruised a lung, injured his spleen and broke eight ribs.

But Platek didn't remember a thing, because he was sound asleep when it happened. "I couldn't tell you what it was like because I was sleepwalking," said Platek, 19. "The scariest thing was waking up in the hospital and I didn't know what had happened."

Platek's girlfriend couldn't stop him from climbing out the window even though she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him to the floor. When he climbed onto the window ledge, she grabbed his wrists and tried to pull him back inside before he lost his balance and fell.

Platek, has a history of sporadic sleepwalking that he says began around seventh grade. His mother, Kim McCue, still on occasion finds him walking around the house. Despite the fact that Platek walked in his sleep only two or three times this summer, McCue said she thinks returning to school and changing his major from physics to statistics put her son under stress, contributing to the accident. She and Platek both said he consumed a few alcoholic beverages the night of his fall.

He consumed a few beers? Was he drunk off his ass? How about 15-20 beers? That would probably explain the reason why he fell out a window... Article here.