Monday, May 01, 2006

Bad dog, very bad dog.

Visit this website = menage a trois?

Taken from

"Here's the story... I said to my girlfriend that any stupid website could get tons of hits, simply because people are bored all the time. She said that I was an idiot and couldn’t make a website that could get tons of hits if I wanted to. After a long argument (mostly centered around the fact that she called me an idiot) we made a bet:

If I could not make a website to get 2,000,000 hits, I would agree that I was an idiot; however, if I could make a website to get 2,000,000 hits, she would have a menage a trois (that's a threesome to you non french-speakers) with me and another girl. I thought she was kidding at the time, but then she said she was so sure of herself, that she would even put it in writing.

So, this is my somewhat lame attempt to get two million hits. I’m pleading to all my fellow guys (and any supportive ladies) to please forward this to as many people as possible so I can make my girlfriend eat her words... and more importantly get my threesome! I'm going to ask one or two of her friends and maybe scout the local bars a bit, but if you know of someone who might want to be our third, please contact me.

If I start getting a ton of hits, I'll post updates about my girlfriend's reaction and a picture of the third girl once I find one. Here is my girlfriend:

So if you want to help Dan out, click here to go to his website. Currently he has 23,166,435 total hits to his website... and he has yet to update the site to indicate what has happened? Hmmmm...

Community Chest card:

Delivery man transported dead people?

A pizza deliveryman stopped by police told officers that he was delivering pizzas in the same station wagon he used to ferry bodies for a mortuary transport service.

Police said 24-year-old William Bethel Jr. was stopped last Friday in suburban Philadelphia driving a station wagon with an expired inspection certificate. While checking the vehicle, police noticed a stretcher in the rear and asked what purpose it served.

Police said Bethel told them that although he was delivering pizzas for a major pizza chain, he also "transports deceased bodies in the same vehicle." The car was impounded and Bethel was cited for driving with a suspended or revoked license and without a certificate of inspection.
Bethel said it was the first time the vehicle had been used for both purposes. He said he had been called to fill in at the restaurant, and because his car was in the shop, he had taken the wagon. The car owner said he was fired and the restaurant manager said he resigned.

County and state health officials said there is no law against delivering a body and food in the same vehicle.

Gross. Aaannnddd I’d like to point out that of course there isn’t a law against delivering food & delivering bodies in the same vehicle. Duh. What person in a legislative position would ever think to create such a law. It’s just common sense to think the two wouldn’t ever be associated. Whatever. Article here.

This dog can catch a ball... and throw it?

Paul Papanek (that's him in the video) explains: "[Oscar the dog] came up with this little trick all on on his own, though we have worked together to kind of hone it to the fine skill it is. Letterman flew us out to NY to be on Stupid Pet Tricks just about a year ago. After having successfully gone through rehearsal, we were sitting in the green room waiting to go on- along with a couple of other dogs and a pig- and someone came in and told us that Dave had decided that he wasn't in the mood for Pet Tricks that night after all (he really wanted to spend more time talking to Sting...)"

Visit Oscar's website at:

USA National gas prices map:

Check out the gas prices around the country at a glance with Areas are color coded according to their price for the average price for regular unleaded gasoline. One thing I will note, no matter where you live in the USA... the prices f*ckin suck. Just my opinion.

If you drive in the forest, this is cool?

Overheard on the streets of New York:

Boy #1: That bitch kind of looks like her dog.
Boy #2: Yeah, but she's busted.
Boy #1: Word, I'd definitely pipe the dog before I piped her.
Boy #2: What the fuck?
-Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Woman holding flowers: How much are these?
Vendor: Eight dollars.
Woman: Eight dollars? That is ridiculous!
Vendor: Well maybe you should stop buying yourself flowers and get a man to buy them for you.
-110th & Broadway

Drunk guy: Lemme get a bacon, egg, and cheese.
Cashier: Sorry, we don't have bacon.
Drunk guy: Can I have it on a bagel then?
Cashier: That's not the problem. We don't have any bacon.
Drunk guy: Can I just have a bacon, egg and cheese?
Cashier: Sir, there is no bacon, ok?
Drunk guy: Can I just have your number then?
-Dunkin' Donuts, 83rd St.

Twentysomething girl #1: Why didn't you go in his room and see if he was home?
Twentysomething girl #2: So I could go in there and see him with his dick out? Porn all over the place, passed out like he exhausted himself? I'm good. No thanks.
-33rd St. PATH train

Does this guy really need binoculars?

480-pound woman dies attached to couch?

Even though this story is from August 11, 2004... I thought it was pretty interesting:

A 480-pound Martin County woman has died after emergency workers tried to remove her from the couch where she had remained for about six years.

Gayle Laverne Grinds, 40, died Wednesday, after a failed six-hour effort to dislodge her from the couch in her home. Workers say the home was filthy, and Grinds was too large to get up from the couch to even use the bathroom.

Everyone going inside the home had to wear protective gear. The stench was so powerful they had to blast in fresh air.
A preliminary autopsy on the the four-foot, ten-inch woman lists the cause of death as "morbid obesity." But officials want to know more about the circumstances inside the home.

Investigators say Grinds lived with a man named Herman Thomas, who says he tried to take care of her the best he could. He has told them he tried repeatedly to get her up, but simply couldn't.

Emergency workers had to remove some sliding glass doors and lift the couch, with Grinds still on it, to a trailer behind a pickup truck. Removing her from the couch would be too painful, since her body was grafted to the fabric. After years of staying put, her skin had literally become one with the sofa and had to be surgically removed.

She died at Martin Memorial Hospital South, still attached to the couch. Neighbors say they had no idea Grinds lived at the duplex, though they had seen Thomas and some children outside.

Whoa? Crazy. Article here.

Man goes unconscious over potato crisps?

An explosion envelops the car of Serbian stuntman Zeljko Bozic as he jumps the car from a bridge into the Sava river, in Belgrade. Bozic was taken to the hospital in an unconscious condition after the jump, and his medical condition is unknown at this time. The stunt was performed to advertise packets of potato crisps.

Stephen Colbert roasts President Bush

Rice Krispies: snap, crackle, pop?

The complete explanation to how Rice Krispies 'work':

A Rice Krispie behaves like a piece of glass. If you hit it hard, it’ll break into a puzzle of a million pieces that, if you had the patience, you could put back together again.
The high temperature at which the cereal’s cooked creates extremely strong bonds that hold the rice’s starch molecules together. The strong bonds make the rice act like glass. During the cooking process, each piece of rice expands and a network of air-filled caves and tunnels form inside.

When you pour milk into your breakfast bowl, the cereal absorbs the milk. As milk flows into the crispy kernel, the liquid puts pressure on the air inside and pushes it around. The air shoves against each pocket’s walls until they shatter, forcing out a snap, or a crackle, or, as you, know, sometimes a pop. You can also see tiny air bubbles escaping to the surface.

The race is now on. Because once the rice is wet enough, all the air pockets have burst, the sounds stop, and you're left in peace and quiet to eat soggy cereal.

Although the 'snap, crackle, pop' sounds are very cool effects and semi-sorta fun to eat… this cereal really doesn't taste that good in my opinion (not without bananas or strawberries). In fact, Rice Krispies doesn’t even come close to touching my favorite cereals: Fruity Pebbles and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Article here.

Drunk'en parking lot sucker punch = ouch!

Whoops. This sucks.

11-year-old finds $1150 laying in the street

When Lauren Arledge found $200 in the street, the 11-year-old didn't think to keep it. Fearing someone had been robbed, she went to her mother's office and told her to call police. Then she went back out to look for more bills.

The girl, with the help of a mail carrier and a co-worker of her mother's, spent a half hour gathering another $1,150 over a two-block area.

"It was all over the place, on the sidewalk, under bushes, inside bushes," said Lauren, who made the discovery April 12 as she was heading to the library.

A grateful man who said he dropped his wallet and lost $1,450 gave the girl a $50 reward.

Lauren said she imagined what it would feel like if someone kept money she had lost. "I would really get mad if someone did that to me," she said. "I just wouldn't want anyone to do that to me."

Not that I’m saying she made the wrong decision… but when your 11-years old, it’s hard to grasp the concept of what $1,000 means. She has no idea what kind of toys that could buy. I’d imagine she enjoyed finding the money much like she would enjoy a ‘scavenger hunt’. Another note… the dude who lost his wallet only gave her $50? Are you kidding? Give the kid at least $100. If it wasn’t for her help you would have lost a ton of money, not to mention all of your ID’s and credit cards. Damn cheapskate. Article here.

Mustache Tattoo? The dumbest idea ever.

Deaf woman crashes into two homes

A deaf woman driver crashed into not just one but two homes overnight. Skid marks lead to a fence the car plowed through. From there, the car went straight to a pink house, leaving a hole in it that has since been boarded up.
The woman behind the wheel backed out of the pink house and slammed into another home. She then drove onto a third property before knocking over another fence.

When Pedro Gonzalez's neighbor called him to say there had been an accident on his property, he couldn't believe one car could cause so much damage. "They told me they hit the house and I said, 'What do you mean they hit the house?' I didn't expect anything, you know," Gonzalez said.

Troopers said Nydia Margrita DeJesus was driving northbound on Chickasaw Trail when she veered off the road and drove a silver Mitsubishi through a fence and right into Gonzalez's neighbor's house.
She then shifted the car in reverse and shattered Gonzalez's sliding glass door before she put the car back in drive and plowed through another fence, finally coming to rest against a tree.

At first, troopers couldn't communicate with the 33-year-old because she's deaf. It turned out, troopers said, DeJesus had been drinking and driving. Three years ago her license was temporarily suspended for failing to pay a ticket for driving with an open container.

Troopers took her to jail and charged her with careless driving and driving under the influence. Damage is estimated at $5,000. Article here.