Friday, April 21, 2006

Douche bag

Phony doctor gives free breast exams

A 76-year-old man claiming to be a doctor went door-to-door in a Florida neighborhood offering free breast exams, and was charged with sexually assaulting two women who accepted the offer.
One woman became suspicious after the man asked her to remove all her clothes and began conducting a purported genital exam without donning rubber gloves, investigators said.

The woman then phoned the Broward County Sheriff's Office and the suspect fled. He was arrested at another woman's apartment in the same Lauderdale Lakes neighborhood on Wednesday, a sheriff's spokesman said.
The white-haired suspect, Philip Winikoff, carried a black bag and claimed to be visiting on behalf of a local hospital. "He told the woman that he was in the neighborhood offering free breast exams," sheriff's spokesman Hugh Graf said in a statement.

At least two women, both in their 30s, let him into their homes and he fondled and sexually assaulted them, the investigators said. Winikoff was not a doctor, Graf said. He worked as a shuttle driver for an auto dealership. Article here.

Excuse me while I nibble on my paw

Pink's new song is about finger blasting

The 'Some Girls' rocker has revealed that 'Fingers' - a bonus track on her new album, 'I'm Not Dead' - is about her pleasuring herself.

Here are some lyrics from the song:


and when come you slip into a dream...
When it’s late at night and you’re fast a sleep
I let my fingers do the walking
I press record I become a fene
While no one else is watching
I let my fingers do the walking...

She revealed: "Everything to me is a visual. My favorite songwriters are those who can paint a picture with their words. "Maybe I don't do it as dramatically or deeply or as poignantly. But I like to paint a picture. I just thought, why not?"

Meanwhile, Pink has confessed she gets turned on by tattoos. The singer admits she finds body art very erotic - and loves the fact her husband Carey Hart has decorated his body with etchings.
Pink, who has over ten tattoos herself, said: "I think they are very incredibly sexy. My husband is covered with them.

Pink is very expressive… and eccentric, to say the least- wouldn’t you think? Article here.

Passed out and drunk... (part 3)

Lindsay Lohan gets an intervention at SNL

Tina Fey, the head writer of the now horribly unfunny SNL and the writer of Lohan's most successful movie to date, Mean Girls, staged an intervention with Lindsay when she hosted Saturday Night Live this past weekend. Tina enlisted the help of other cast members to convince Lindsay to give up her wild ways. A source tells Life & Style magazine:

" They brought up everything. Nothing was off-limits. Tina told her she was wasting her gift of acting." Meanwhile, cast member Kenan Thompson reveals: "You just gotta say: 'Sometimes you shouldn't be doing that. You gotta drop that.' "

via

Jesus, stop messing with the sign!

Smallest 1-bedroom apartment in the world

Real estate agent Gordon Blausten shows off a London flat that may be the smallest apartment in the world. Its 62 square feet squeezes in a kitchenette, bath and wardrobe. The bed is on a raised platform accessed by a ladder. The rent? Only $247 a week. Click here to read an article about the lady who lives in it.

Third-Grader takes teacher's van for ride

An 8-year-old boy swiped his teacher's car keys and took her minivan for a joyride, cruising safely home and into the record books as the city's youngest auto thief, police said.

The third-grader told officers he "just wanted to drive around for a while" when he left the James Marshall School on Monday, officer Michael Amarillas said.

The diminutive driver snatched the keys from teacher Caren Brady's purse when she turned her back to the class. In order to operate the Dodge Caravan, he raised the driver's seat, lowered the steering wheel, adjusted the rearview mirror and turned off the radio.

“This is the smallest child you can ever imagine," said Brady, who noticed her vehicle missing a couple hours after school. "I don't think this kid is 4 feet tall. He's tiny; he's the tiniest kid in the class."

The boy, whose identity was not released, was suspended from school, Brady said. Nothing was damaged and no one was hurt and police said they wouldn't charge him with a crime.

A neighbor saw the boy driving and called police. Officers found the van parked in front of the house, which is less than a mile from the school. They lectured the boy after interviewing him.

Thankfully this story has a happy ending. It will make for a good story when he gets older. Article here.

Sponge Bob is dead

via

100 unsexiest men in the world:

ThePhoenix.com came up with a list of the 100 Unsexiest Men in the World. After pouring through thousands of photographs, millions of frames of movies and TV shows, the staff at thephoenix.com has compiled this list:
Here's the top 10 Unsexiest men in the world:
1. Gilbert Gottfried
2. Randy Johnson
3. Roger Ebert
4. Dr. Phil
5. Alan Colmes
6. Chad Kroeger
7. Mike Mills
8. Osama Bin Laden
9. Jay Leno
10. Don Imus

Try this in your room, it’s hard- no really

Doggy's head get stuck inside pipe?

A Texas pooch got caught in a tight spot after chasing a rabbit into a pipe.

The dog's head became trapped inside the piece of pipe Wednesday morning. Animal control workers rescued the pup, which was not injured. They greased her neck with baby oil and slipped her head out.

The dog will remain at the Fort Worth, Texas, shelter for a few days during recovery. Workers have nicknamed the dog "Piper" in honor of her adventure.

Only true internet dorks get this message

Mandy Moore kicks her parents out

The New York Post is reporting that Mandy Moore has kicked her parents out of her beautiful California home, because they over-stayed their time. The family moved in with her three years ago when she brought a luxury Los Angeles property.
She explains, ""My parents moved in with me, I'm very close with my family, but the time came about a year ago to actually kick my parents out-because it's my house!

Man, what a heartless #@$%&!

There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.

Win this bowling tourny, keep the alley?

The winner of a bowling tournament here gets a unique prize- the bowling alley.

Star City Lanes owner Darin Bail says he needs to hand off the business because he must spend several months a year in Oregon because of a family situation. "I call it the 'ultimate winner take all,"' Bail said. "There's one winner, no second place prize. The winner gets the whole property -- a bowling alley, restaurant, the real property that goes with it."

The tournament's format is different from most. The score nearest to a bowler's own average will win, which ensures that someone who regularly bowls 75 could win just as easily as someone who rolls a 250 every time.

The entry fee is $250. Qualifying rounds will be held at North Hill Bowl in Minot on May 27 and June 3, 10 and 17. The top 12 bowlers will face off June 24 in Velva in the bowling alley they hope to win.

Bail said he has lawyers and accountants overseeing the tournament and has cleared it with state gaming officials. He said he needs at least 600 entrants to make his plan work. If not enough people sign up, he will refund all entry fees, minus a $10 processing fee.

"People tell me we should expect 1,000 people," he said, adding that he has received calls from bowlers in several states.

1,000 people X $250 = $250,000 (yeah, complicated math- I know) So…uh, I’m pretty sure if you take a look at on Google Maps, judging by the size of this town- if he even comes close to 1,000 people paying $250 buck a pop, he’s probably not only covering for the cost of what it would be to sell his bowling alley… but he’s probably making a profit off of it. Nice business move dude. I like your style. Article here.