Friday, January 20, 2006

Damit Russ, this isn't monster truck racing!

Man buries BMW to collect insurance money

A man facing a big bill because he had blown the engine in his 1997 BMW decided to bury his car instead and collect $20,000 from his insurance company by claiming it was stolen.

Matthew Mueller rented a backhoe in October 2002 and buried the car on property owned by his father in rural northeast Ohio.

Police received tips last year and excavated the vehicle.

Mueller, 35, of Akron, was sentenced to a year in prison for insurance fraud, tampering with evidence, falsification and receiving stolen property.

He apologized in Portage County Common Pleas Court on Tuesday and paid restitution to Progressive Insurance along with $15,500 to state officials for their costs digging up the vehicle.

"It was stupidity and completely out of character," he said. "I broke the law and I tried to conceal it."

Sweet move dude... Article here.

What ever you do, don't let go...

One Lawyer's hilarious blog entry:

"There's a paralegal hobbling around the halls the past two days. She broke her ankle over the long weekend on a ski trip. Why are we paying paralegals enough to go on ski trips? And even worse, why are we providing our paralegals health insurance? She had a perfectly competent cast on her foot, crutches, pain medication, everything. I asked her how much it all cost her and she said it didn't cost her a cent. This is ridiculous.

Paralegals are fungible goods. One is just the same as another, and it doesn't matter if they stay for a week or a lifetime. They're all equally unable to do anything. When something is fungible, we shouldn't be providing incentives for them to stay. It's bad enough that no one's moved to fire her now that she's broken her ankle and is clearly unable to do the job. She can't run down the hall to make photocopies, she can't race to my office to deliver documents, and she can't carry as much as we usually require. So the fact she's keeping her job is bad enough. But even worse, we're paying for her injuries.

If she worked as a file clerk at the city dump, or whatever she'd be qualified to do, I presume she would not have health insurance, since health insurance is a privilege meant only for those adding value to society. So why should she have it here? We pay her enough to go skiing. She can afford health insurance. If she can't, that shouldn't be our problem. If she wants a job with health insurance, she should go get a law degree and then we'll talk. I don't mean her specifically. We won't talk. She's not coming back here as a lawyer even if she goes to law school and finishes first in her class. Anyone who's too brittle to keep themselves in one piece and do the job they've been hired to do shouldn't be working for me.

I saw her stealing water from the water fountain to swallow her pain pills. That's another reason we should never have gotten rid of the partners-only water fountains. I'll set up a garden hose for the associates and that should be good enough. The paralegals can put a sponge on the carpet and wring it out into a cup to drink the soaked-up runoff from the hose. It seems only fair to let them do that. I don't want them to get dehydrated."

-Taken from the blog Anonymous Lawyer.

Crazy-ass cat

Overheard on the streets of New York

Woman: Yo, my cousin is going to be on American Idol.

Guy: Wow, she any good?

Woman: No, she's terrible, she sounds like a dying seal.

36th & 7th - OHINY


CSR: You know sometimes when you blow, you can feel it in your throat?

Secretary: No, I don't blow that hard.

CSR: Well, I blow hard and I can feel it sometimes. It sucks.

541 Lexington Avenue New York, NY - OHITO

This is just plain rude

You think you have a bad neighbor? You don't...

Don Bertone is not your usual problem neighbor, San Francisco authorities say.

For three years, Bertone, who once worked for the city Housing Authority and ran for the Board of Supervisors in 2000, has wreaked all sorts of havoc in an otherwise quiet community in the southeastern part of the city known as Little Hollywood, officials and his neighbors said Wednesday.

Bertone, 54, doesn't just play loud music, authorities say. At all hours of the day and night, he has blasted police radio broadcasts, shrill oscillating tones, Spanish dance tunes and other noise from speakers he installed on the outside of his home. Police said they could hear the racket from 100 yards away.

Police said he hooked up floodlights and six cameras that swept the block. Inside his home, he could monitor his neighbors' movements on four video screens.

Officers who searched his home Tuesday allegedly found a high-powered assault rifle complete with a flash suppressor, two handguns and 3,000 rounds of ammunition as well as an undisclosed "explosive device.''

Prosecutors charged Bertone with 11 felony weapons counts, two felony drug counts and two felony counts of receiving stolen property -- for two city traffic signs found in his home.

Bertone's two-story home is protected by barbed wire. Milk crates and pallets line the roof on one side. The windows are boarded up, and the wood is painted black. Bertone has at least four satellite dishes and a dozen antennas on the roof with wires leading to trees. His side fence is topped with hubcaps, and his backyard is covered by blue tarps. Bertone says the barbed wire is to keep people from jumping a fence into his property. He says his windows are boarded up because neighborhood kids throw rocks into his home.

Bertone was being held without bail in connection with the alleged explosive device, although he has not yet been charged on that matter. He is to be arraigned Friday.

Who does this guy think he is? Barb wire surrounds his house? Multiple satellite dishes? Does this guy just really want to be apart of the S.W.A.T. team? Maybe we should enlist this guy into the military for his punishment. Article here.

850 Starburst Candy Wrappers for sale on eBay?

Why in the f*ckin world would you ever pay money for empty Star Bursts wrappers? Honestly? Well, after thinking about it… it would be pretty funny to buy this and then just dump it all in my roommates dresser drawers. Hmmm… click here to see the actual eBay auction.

700 school books = 1 cool bar

Made from over 700 discarded hard-bound medical journals, this massive pile of endocrinology-related literature took several days to complete.

Man dies after dog falls from overpass, hits car

A dog apparently fell from a freeway overpass and crashed through a car windshield, fatally injuring the driver, police said Thursday.

Charles G. Jetchick, 81, died Wednesday of injuries suffered in the accident over the weekend in suburban Detroit. A passenger suffered minor injuries.

Investigators do not believe the 60- to 70-pound Labrador retriever was thrown, but rather fell by while trying to avoid a car, State Police Sgt. Michael A. Shaw said. Police questioned the dog's owner. The dog died after a fall of about 16 feet.

Despite his injuries, Jetchick was able to steer his car in a straight line and stop safely, Shaw said.

"We've had rocks and other stuff like that fall off of overpasses. This would be the first dog we've had," said Shaw, who has been with the State Police for 11 years.

This is so tragic. I don’t even know what to say. Article here.

Whiplash... the little famous monkey dude!

Whiplash the Cowboy monkey is truly a fan favorite, he is an international star and a true cowboy. This 'lil monkey dude is 18 years old, and is a Capuchin Monkey. Whiplash has been riding since he was two yrs old. Whiplash travels the country herding up wild Barbados sheep at rodeos and special events. His riding ability is unmatched and his herding skills unchallenged but whiplash never misses a chance to show his monkey heritage as he rides the dog he will pull the saddle from side to side and even hang off to one side.

Taken from his website:

"Whiplash is an 18yr old capuchin monkey, he has been a part of our family since he was born, he has been riding for 16yrs. he loves country music and he like to watch "animal planet" and "law and order" the original. He likes to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and his favorite fruit are grapes. He sleeps with his blanky every night and is not a morning person."

Man fakes death to avoid paying child support

A South Carolina "deadbeat dad," Johnny Martin, faked his own death 25 years ago to avoid paying child support.

The 58-year-old man has now been recaptured and jailed, and he now owes more than 30-thousand dollars in child support.

Authorities say Martin escaped from a work detail in 1979 while serving time for failing to pay support for two kids. They say he had a relative call Family Court to report he had died during a bar fight.

Investigators say he'd been living in Myrtle Beach and using his real name for about 20 years, and had a third child. They reopened his case after one of his ex-wives tipped them off that he was still around.

Jesus dude. It's your biological kid. The least you could do is send him a check. Article here.