Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Hey, what’s up there dog!

3-year-old trapped inside claw machine?

Devin Haskin isn't the first little boy to find the inside of a toy machine too enticing to resist. When the 3-year-old boy crawled through the discharge chute of a Toy Chest claw machine at a Godfather's Pizza here, he ended up on the other side of the glass surrounded by stuffed animals.
Rescuers had to pry the door open to get Devin out, though the boy was in no hurry to leave. "When we got it open, he didn't want to come out," Fire Chief Dan Wilson said Tuesday. "One of my firefighters had to reach inside and get him. He was happy in there."
Wilson said there was a lot of activity at Godfather's on Sunday when the boy got inside the machine. He estimated that 75 to 100 people were in the restaurant when rescuers arrived and that three birthday parties were taking place. But there was plenty of air in the machine and people were taking pictures of Devin. He said the gap Devin squeezed through was about 7 inches by 9 inches.

Given that nothing bad happened to the kid, this is freakin’ hilarious!

FexEx's second tag line

The 75 mph bassboat accident:

Below is an actual emergency room photo of a gentleman who lost control of his motorcycle on a country road in West Virginia. Troopers believe that he was traveling at a speed of approximately 75 mph at the time of the accident. He was unable to negotiate a curve in the road.
Unfortunately for him, upon striking the ditch and being ejected from the bike, he landed back end first on a fencepost from an old barnyard fenced that was downed on the side of the road. You can probably picture what happened next, but the attached picture really says it all. The good news is that after about 6 months, this man made a full recovery after suffering a shattered hip, broken leg, several broken ribs, internal injuries and "soft tissue" damage. Doctors credited his recovery to the fact that the post lodged itself so tightly that there was little or no blood loss.

The truth: The photograph referenced by the above text (which can be found on various sites around the web by searching on phrases such as "gentleman who lost control of his motorcycle") is evidently genuine, although the explanation that now accompanies it is possibly an invented one. This picture first began circulating in March 2004 under the title "Lesson Painfully Learned" and at that time bore no text to explain its putative origins; the motorcycle accident scenario quoted above did not begin to circulate with the photographs until many months later.

Back in 2004 an informant told us that the photograph originated in the trauma bay of the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences' (UAMS) emergency room. According to this source, the patient shown in the photo crashed his truck through a fence, causing a large fence post to come through part of the truck's engine and firewall before catching on spring wire in the back of the front seat, impaling the driver in the process. The patient was reportedly treated in the operating room but died a few days later of infection. We have not been able to independently verify these details, however.

In early 2006, the photo was circulated with this as its accompanying text listed at the very top of this post.

Wilmer took Mandy Moore's virginity

The Bosh is reporting that Wilmer Valderrama, one of the stars of That 70s Show, as well as being known for banging young stars, was on Howard Stern’s radio show. Wilmer came clean about many things...

The show wasn't two interesting until they brought up Mandy Moore. Wilmer claimed that he took Mandy Moore’s virginity, Wilmer told Howard that the sex was “really good” with Mandy, but also acknowledged that it wasn’t “like warm apple pie.”
He rated Jennifer Love Hewitt an 8 out of 10 in the sack. When Howard asked if he gets these girls because he has a big package, Wilmer said he's hung at over 8 inches. Wilmer was fairly complimentary of everyone's favorite druggy girl Lindsay Lohan, and said she is one of the best girls he's had in bed.

Wilmer said he's had anal sex with one of these famous girls, but won't say who that was. And he wouldn't admit he had sex with Ashlee Simpson.

Is anyone else baffled at the fact that Wilmer Valderrama has managed to hook up with all these girls? Damn dude. Article here.

Thongs for dogs who like to fart...?

A company called Flat-D Innovations, Inc. is selling a thong for dogs designed to make farts smell better.

Dubbed, "The Dogone", it's an activated charcoal cloth that traps the foul smelling odors from the passing wind.
It's washable and reusable. It uses elastic straps for flexibility, and suspender clips to make the thong adjustable. They also provide quick release when its time for poochie to do its business. It costs $19.99, click here to buy one.

Man pays $4,334 for Burger King meal

A man was charged more than $4,300 after placing his food order at a Burger King in California last week.

The four burgers came to $4.33. The cashier entered the charge on George Beane's debit card, then mistakenly punched in the numbers again without erasing the original ones.

That brought the bill to $4,334.33.

The electronic charge drained a checking account and left Beane and his wife wondering how they'd pay their mortgage.

But everything worked out. Burger King didn't charge the Beanes for their meal and the couple later got their money back.

Oh how grateful of Burger King. They refunded the money and paid the entire ‘whopping’ $4.33 for their meal? How gracious of them. At least give them free food for like a month or something. Article here.

Brokeback Mountain truck is on eBay

The half-ton pick-up truck used in the award-winning gay Western "Brokeback Mountain" is up for sale on eBay, and the seller, a Canadian high school student, hopes the proceeds will help pay his way through college.
Matthew Kennedy said he bought the black, 1950 GMC truck last year at an auction of vehicles used in the movie because he liked its looks, and only decided to sell when he realized the amount of attention the film was garnering.

"The movie was getting a lot bigger and I thought I could sell it and put away the money for school," he said.

Kennedy's eBay description of the vehicle says it was driven by Jack Twist, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, when he meets Ennis Del Mar, played by Heath Ledger, at the start of the film. Bidding has reached $15,600 so far, almost double the $8,000 starting price, fueled by the ties to the film.
"The only thing I knew about the movie was that it was being filmed in my area and it was a cowboy movie," he said. Murray Ord, executive producer at Alberta Film Entertainment, said it's standard procedure to sell film gear post-production. "Whether it be furniture, props, anything we purchased, we try to recoup the cost," he said.

Click here to see the actual eBay auction listing.

Caption this...

Overheard on the streets of New York:

Dad: Do you think I want to talk about princesses 24 hours a day?Little girl: No.
Dad: What do you think I want to talk about?
Little girl: Star Wars.
-Rector & Greenwich

Guy #1: Yeah, and she had tits like eggplants.

Guy #2: And they were hairy?
Guy #1: Yeah, the hairs were like this long and black.
Guy #2: That's fucking sick.
-Penn Station

Little boy: Why do I have to pee in a cup?

Mom: For a test.
Little boy: For a test? Do I have to drink it?
-A train

[via OHINY]

Proof Clay Aiken is not gay?

Husband shoves plate down wifes throat?

Patrick M. Zurkowski, a 38-year-old man was charged Monday in Marathon County court with the murder of his wife after authorities suspect he suffocated her by shoving a ceramic Easter bunny-shaped plate down her throat.

The autopsy revealed the ears of the Easter bunny plate had broken off and were lodged in her throat, blocking her airway in a brutal death that could have taken 10 to 20 minutes, Heimerman said. A significant amount of blood was found in June Zurkowski's lungs and her stomach. She had a cut on her tongue, according to the police department.
Investigators believe the ceramic pieces found in her throat match an Easter plate found in the Zurkowski home that was missing the ears of a bunny. When police arrived at the scene Friday, Patrick Zurkowski refused to answer questions and was unresponsive, Spencer Police Chief Bill Hoes said.

Hoes said Zurkowski refused to move from a chair inside the home when police wanted to take him to the station to interview him. He was hit with a Taser twice after he kicked at officers, Hoes said.

Authorities had to remove him physically from his house and a squad car once they arrived at the jail on Friday, where he remained through the weekend. Judge Vincent Howard set his bond at $1 million cash at an initial appearance Monday in court. If convicted of first-degree intentional homicide, Zurkowski faces life in prison.

Damn, that's messed up fool. Article here.

You're right, I'll use the seven wood

Worlds biggets buffet 510 different dishes

It had to be done in America… somebody set the record for creating the world's largest buffet.

About 850 hungry customers helped Bayer HealthCare LLC, celebrate the 75th anniversary of its heartburn relief product — known for the jingle "plop, plop, fizz, fizz" (they make Alka-Seltzer)— by partaking in a massive spread at the Las Vegas Hilton.
In all, 510 dishes were set in front of the crowd Tuesday. Each one had to be certified distinct by a Guinness World Record adjudicator. They ranged from Mongolian chicken and salmon Wellington to creme brulee and homemade apple pie.

There was no previous record for the stomach-expanding event, so Guinness set the bar high at 500 dishes to qualify. "It's an amount large enough to make it a feat that will stretch people," Causey said.
If at anytime while reading this article your mouth watered when you read there was 510 dishes in the buffet… you are absolutely pathetic- and more than likely you’re an American. Speaking of which, when did buffets become more American than apple pie? Article here.