Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Yeah, oh man -- I bet she does.

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The Mascot VS. Human dance-off.

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Woman sets fire to ex-husband's penis.

A woman set fire to her ex-husband's penis as he sat naked watching television and drinking vodka, Moscow police said Wednesday. Asked if the man would make a full recovery, a police spokeswoman said it was "difficult to predict."

The attack climaxed three years of acrimonious enforced co-habitation. The couple divorced three years ago but continued to share a small flat, something common in Russia where property costs are very high. "It was monstrously painful," the wounded ex-husband told Tvoi Den newspaper. "I was burning like a torch. I don't know what I did to deserve this." » Article here

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video games VS. periods

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Dude lets his friend run over his arm with a car. Why?

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Bill Murray pulled over for drunk driving... in a golf cart.

Bill Murray was spotted driving a golf cart through downtown Stockholm drunk. Officers noticed that Murray smelled of alcohol and asked him to take a breath test, which the actor refused, citing U.S. law. He submitted to a blood test instead, the results of which will take 14 days to come back, police said.

Murray also signed a document acknowledging he had been operating the cart under the influence and agreed to let a police officer plead guilty for him should the case go to trial. If charged, the 56-year-old SNL alum will likely face fines, though a very high alcohol level could lead to jail time, police said.

Murray was in Stockholm attending the Scandinavian Masters golf tournament. The golf cart in which he was apprehended had been on display in front of the hotel where he and other VIPs attending the tournament were staying. The actor apparently commandeered the cart and drove it to the trendy Cafe Opera nightclub, less than a mile away from the hotel. He was on his way back when he was pulled over.

Though it is not illegal to drive a golf cart in downtown Stockholm, it's certainly not an accepted practice.

"I have done this since '68 and I've never experienced anything like this," Detective-Inspector Christer Holmlund of the Stockholm police said. » Article here

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Wow, don't make it obvious or anything.

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Learn some instant message abbreviations.

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Dude thrown in court for throwing a sausage.

A 12-year-old British boy appeared in court Wednesday charged with assault for throwing a sausage at a pensioner, police said.

The boy's mother described the decision to charge her son as "an absolute joke," although police said they had no choice. The youth, who can't be named, was arrested after a 74-year-old man reported him to police for throwing a stone in Manchester, northern England. The object turned out to be a cocktail sausage. » Article here

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Wow, uh -- I'd be scared to even get near this.

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Wow this kid is REALLY nervous.

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Dwarf's penis stuck to vacuum cleaner

A dwarf performer at the fringe festival had to be rushed to hospital after his penis got stuck to a vacuum cleaner during an act that went horribly awry.

Daniel Blackner, or Captain Dan the Demon Dwarf, was due to perform at the Circus of Horrors at the festival known for its oddball, offbeat performances. The main part of his act was for him to appear on stage with a vacuum cleaner attached to his member with a special apparatus.

The attachment broke before the performance and Mr Blackner tried to fix it using extra-strong glue, but unfortunately only let it dry for 20 seconds instead of the 20 minutes required. He then joined it directly to his organ. The end result? A solid attachment, laughter, mortification and ... hospitalisation.

"It was the most embarrassing moment of my life when I got wheeled into a packed A&E with a vacuum attached to me," Mr Blackner said. "I just wished the ground could swallow me up. Luckily, they saw me quickly so the embarrassment was short-lived." » Article here

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Dude has phone sex in an elevator (language NSFW)

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Dude swims after beer bong, goes missing for hours

Seven hours after a father reported his 21-year-old son missing from Crab Island, the younger man was found safe on the docks behind a Destin restaurant.

The father told an Okaloosa County sheriff’s deputy that his son had been standing in the water about 3 p.m. when he last saw him, according to Sheriff’s Office report. About an hour later, the son left a cell phone message asking his father to call immediately.

The father called that number and spoke to a man who said the son had been on his boat earlier, but had left to swim after his beer bong after it was thrown overboard.

When the deputy found the younger man at about 10:30 that night, the son told him he had been trying to make his way home after waiting for an hour on the east side of Marler Bridge. He was in good health, the report noted. » Article here

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Photoworthy: prosthetic eye with the Marine Corps emblem

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Glacier surfing.

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Blind woman hits a hole-in-one.

Drummond, blinded by diabetes 26 years ago, experienced the highlight of her golfing career Sunday, recording an ace on the 144-yard, par-3 fourth hole at Mahoning Valley Country Club.

Playing with her husband and coach, Keith, and two friends in a steady rain, the 53-year-old Drummond hit a driver on the hole. The shot cleared a water hazard, flew between traps and landed on the green, where it hit the flagstick before dropping into the hole.

"For a hole-in-one, you have to hit it onto the green, so it's a little bit of skill and a lot of luck." In 1999, Golf Digest said the odds of an amateur getting a hole-in-one are 1 in 12,750. That number, no doubt rises, for a blind golfer. » Article here

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Hmmm, caption this?

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Janitor says co-workers put LSD on his pizza.

A school custodian is alleging in a lawsuit that his co-workers laced his pizza with the hallucinogen LSD in an attempt to poison him at an office party in 2005.

Dominick A. Rao, a janitor with the district since 2000, was served pizza out of a different box than the other custodians, his attorney, Richard Mazawey, told the Record of Bergen County for Monday editions.

"He said he felt like his body and system were melting from the inside out, like he was living in a kaleidoscope," Mazawey told the newspaper. » Article here

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