Friday, June 01, 2007

The shark building.

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Dudes ride horseback to avoid DUI, end up arrested anyways.

Two people police say were hoping to avoid drinking and driving chose instead to head home on horseback, and ended up under arrest anyway.

Police officers Lonnie Myers and Tim Chilton heard a disturbance last Thursday around midnight and found Culpeper residents Eric Kyff and Lauren Allen arguing, Sgt. Scott Jenkins said.

Kyff and Allen, who appeared to be intoxicated, wanted to "travel home several miles by horseback to avoid drinking and driving," Jenkins said.
The two were charged with public intoxication and taken to the county jail. The horses were held across the street in front of the police department. The two were released from jail the next morning. Their horses were waiting for them across the road. » Article here

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[hilarious] 3-year-old at pre-school graduation

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[scrubs] best conversation ever

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Overheard on the streets of New York:

Cop #1 to kid holding paper towels to his bleeding head: Lemme see your head, man. [Kid shows him the gash.] Holy shit!
Kid: What the fuck, man?! Aren't you supposed to be comforting me or some shit?!
Cop #1: Sorry! Well, at least you're coherent.
Cop #2: At this point, with that gash, you could light up a joint and I wouldn't tell.
-9th St, between Ave A & B

Guy #1: So, I heard this blowjob technique that sounds pretty cool, but I don't know how to tell my girlfriend without sounding pushy.
Guy #2: Well, maybe I could do it for you.
Guy #1: Dude... That's gay.
Guy #2: No! I meant I could tell your girlfriend for you, not do it to you!
Guy #1: Oh... Well, that's just awkward, then.
-A train

Pilot: For those of you seated on the left, if you look out of your window you can see the beautiful Manhattan skyline. For those seated on the right... thank you for flying United.
-Flight to Newark

Chick: Whoa, you were married?
Guy: Yup. Six years.
Chick: What happened?
Guy: Ummm... We were too different.
Chick: Different how?
Guy: Well, I'm the kind of person who wanted to pay off all his med school bills and live abroad for a few years. She's the kind of person who wanted to fuck other guys.
Chick: [Shocked.]
Guy: Hey, you asked.
-F train, York St

Electric guy to himself: Where's my gloves?
Grip guy: Gloves? I don't use gloves. I use my bare hands like a man! Only pussies use gloves. Are you a pussy? Be a man, ya pussy.
Electric guy: But then my skin will get all dry and crack and stuff.
Grip guy: Duh, well, yeah. That's why you have to moisturize.
-Movie set of I Am Legend

20-something girl #1: Why do they call it 'Smart Water'?
20-something girl #2: Because it has electrolytes.
20-something girl #1: But does it make you smarter?
20-something girl #2: No! Does drinking Dr. Pepper make you a doctor? I don't think so!
-6 train

Mother: Honey, what is wrong with your eyes?
Teen daughter: I am stoned.
Mother: You look like you have allergies.
Teen daughter: I am stoned.
Mother: Maybe it's pink eye.
-Central Park
via

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Caption this.

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The phonebook prank.

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School employee gets $2.6 million check because of typo

When the state of Minnesota accidentally sent Sabrina Walker, of Minneapolis, a $2.6 million check, prosecutors say, she didn't call to say it wasn't hers.

Instead, she and her boyfriend went on a spree, authorities said. Walker and Charles Calvin Lockhart opened investment accounts and bought Land Rovers, jewelry and limousine rides, a criminal complaint states.

Walker, a 37-year-old social worker who earns $35,000 a year, was behind bars Wednesday at the Hennepin County jail, accused of theft and other charges. They also went shopping, according to the complaint, spending:

$5,500 on jewelry
$3,817 at Best Buy
$2,069 for limousine services
$39,971 for a 2008 Land Rover
$38,968 on a 2003 Land Rover
$34,862 for a 2006 Chrysler Crossfire
$5,400 on a 1969 Buick Electra


About six weeks after getting the money, however, Walker called the Department of Human Services and left a message asking why the check was sent to her, the complaint said. A worker investigated and told her that it had been an error - and that she had to return the money immediately. » Full article here

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If you get lost, you’re a f*ckin’ moron.

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Study finds there is cocaine and pot in Rome's air

A report from Italy's National Research Council released Thursday found that there are traces of cocaine and cannabis in the air in Rome.

The institute made the discovery during a study of toxic substances in the air of Rome. The results found that in Rome, there were traces of cocaine and cannabis — as well as nicotine, caffeine and benzopirene, which is commonly released in cigarette smoke and auto emissions.

"The highest concentrations of cocaine were found in the center of Rome and especially in the area of the University of La Sapienza," said Dr. Angelo Cecinato, who led the investigation. » Full article here

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A sign you’ve got some great friends.

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[fake commercial] the big talk

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Teens spit on chicken sandwich, serve it to cop

A police officer is taking the world's largest restaurant chain to court. Josh Douglas says he ordered a chicken sandwich from McDonald's and it came to him as a "cop-special"... covered in spit.

The incident went down two years ago. Douglas was working the nightbeat as an officer and wanted to grab dinner from the Charles City McDonald's. But inside his sandwich, he found a special sauce that wouldn't pass any taste test.

"It was a loogie. Runny, stringy, slimy snotty loogie and it was stuck between the lettuce and tomato and you pick it up and it all kind of stays together," Douglas said.
He and another officer went inside the restaurant and found two teenagers working. They told the police they were imitating a prank in the 2001 movie "Super Troopers". In the movie a state trooper orders a burger at a fast food restaurant, the cook calls it a "burger for a cop", subsequently, it gets spit on. Both the teen boys involved were fired. » Article here

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The car lock.

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Toddlers drown in pond while babysitter naps

Two toddlers who wandered away from home while their teenage baby sitter slept accidentally drowned in a nearby pond in northwestern Pennsylvania, officials said.

The babysitter told state police she put the girls down for a nap Wednesday and then took a nap herself. When she awoke, 20-month-old Jenna Walker and 2-year-old Maggie Kovski were gone, state police Cpl. Mark Zaleski said.

Rescuers were called at about 11:15 a.m. after the baby sitter found the bodies floating in a small, man-made fishing pond about 100 yards away from the home. » Full article here

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Nothing like a random sweaty jersey hitting your face

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