Thursday, May 04, 2006

Sorry, I've checked out for the weekend:

There will not be any posts this week for Friday, May 5th. I know, it sucks. I’m spending my extended weekend at the lake. I will be more than likely spending most of my time either on the boat and/or jetski pictured below:
It’s going to be really tough and difficult to enjoy myself doing nothing at a lake house with no cell phone/ internet connection… but I think I’ll manage. Across-the-Board will return to its regularly scheduled world-renowned-blog posts on Monday. Till then, enjoy my new favorite t-shirt pictured below:

Apocalypse Burrito?

Overheard on the streets of New York:

College girl to friend: Tonight's goal is to make out with a cokehead.
-7th St

Mother: You know that she has learning disabilities, right? You know what it means when someone has a learning disability?
Eight-year-old girl: I should get myself a lawyer. No one ever tells me anything.
-1 train from 86th

Girl #1: Well, there is this one guy on the show that I'm attracted to.
Girl #2: Oh, yeah?
Girl #1: Yeah, but I think it's only 'cause he has a lazy eye.
-Sidewalk Cafe

Woman: Oh my God, is there a bathroom at the next stop? I just felt the rumblings of the Communist invasion, and I'm less than prepared.
Man: Fucking tourist.
-F train

Jessica & Ashley Simpson in elementary

Mayor so drunk he broke the breathalyzer

The mayor of Ault, a small town in northern Colorado, remained in jail Wednesday after being arrested over the weekend on charges of third-degree assault, domestic violence and child abuse.

According to an arrest report, James Fladung's blood-alcohol level was at least 0.40 percent. when he was arrested Saturday afternoon.
Officers "observed the (Breathalyzer) results climbing at a rapid rate, reaching above a 0.4 (percent) . . . the numbers were moving too fast for the officer to read and the machine shut off and would not turn back on, as if it was broken," according to an arrest affidavit.

Police took Fladung to North Colorado Medical Center in Greeley because of concern over his high blood-alcohol level.
The mayor's wife, Jill, said her husband did not assault her and the couple's 15-year-old son got a mark on the wrist when he tried to take house keys away from his father.

His bond was set at $3,000, which family members have refused to pay to help him sober up, his wife, Jill, said. His next court appearance was scheduled for Monday.

She denied that her husband assaulted her and said she called police because she was worried he would hurt himself. She said the couple's son received a mark on the wrist when he tried to take house keys away from his father.

"The report says he slammed me into a wall several times," Jill Fladung said. "That's absolutely false. He didn't lay a hand on me."


Read the full article here.

Mary Kate and Ashley are morbid dolls

Here are pictures of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Benefit Gala in NYC yesterday. Aaannnddd they look pretty freakin' scary don't you think?!? Not really sure what happened (rehab), but they look kinda like robot blythe dolls. So much for being cute and cuddly.

He ran this red light... see what happens:

Marriage counselor had affair with patient

A man is suing his marriage counselor, contending the therapist he hired to help improve his marriage instead began an affair with his wife.

That relationship eventually prompted the couple to divorce, according to the breach-of-contract suit filed by 35-year-old Scott Buetow of Lake in the Hills.

His lawsuit seeks more than $200,000 in punitive damages from his former counselor, Dan Blair.


"He [Blair] had an obligation to provide services, and he willfully abused that for his own benefit," said attorney Hans Mast, who represents Buetow.

Buetow and his wife began seeing the counselor in April 2004 to "strengthen and stabilize" their 10-year marriage, the suit contends.

While providing both joint counseling and individual therapy sessions to Buetow and his wife, Blair allegedly started a a romantic- and secret- relationship with Buetow's wife.

Despite the alleged relationship, Blair continued counseling Buetow and worked "to undermine the marriage to his benefit by tendering poor advice," the suit contends.

He hasn't been disciplined for any professional complaints since being licensed, according to records from the Illinois Department of Financial and Professional Regulation.

Dude, that sucks. Sounds scripted straight from a really bad episode of the O.C. or something. Article here.

Taken from a Bangkok newspaper:

Eva Longoria likes naked air hockey?

In a recent interview with New magazine, Eva Longoria says she plays naked air hockey with boyfriend, Tony Parker, in their Texas home. She explains what happens if she loses, which I assume she does on purpose:

"It involved nudity. I had to run around the outside of the house. Naked!"

...and you thought your girlfriend was cool.

Woman set snake on fire, then apartment

After being told by her apartment complex that it was not management's responsibility to remover a snake from her porch, a Jacksonville woman set the reptile- and her apartment on fire.

Shatavia Kearney called the Charter Landing Apartments office Sunday afternoon and asked someone to remove a snake for her porch. The 19-year-old told police she was told do deal with the situation herself. So Kearney doused the snake with a flammable liquid and set it on fire.

In the process, the vinyl siding caught fire and was charred and melted in two places. The total damage was about one-thousand dollars. No one was charged and the snake got away.


Funny, too funny. I wish I could of been there to see this. Article here.

One big dude:

Manuel Uribe sits on his bed at home in Monterrey. Uribe, who at 1,212 pounds is possibly the heaviest person in the world, hopes to travel to Italy for a life-saving operation to shed weight.

Protester is mailing cat-poop-sandwiches?

A Highland man, who claims to have mailed boxes of "cat poop sandwiches" to Lake County courts Monday to protest a small claims case, has locked himself in his home in anticipation of being arrested.

"I'm not coming out of this house," he said.

Richard Carroll, 54, is the same man who early last month sent a package to Lake Superior Court Magistrate Michael Pagano that a hazardous materials team examined.
Carroll, who insists he's not violent, said he believes he's making his stand. The six boxes mailed this week contained the excrement, bread and torn up money with some change thrown in, he said.

"They all say I'm crazy, but I'm crazy about my rights," he said.

Authorities said they are aware of his actions.

The owner of three cats, Carroll, who also goes by the name Vampire Killer, said he intends to mail similar boxes weekly. He claims he will only leave his home if police arrive with an arrest warrant and a federal agent.

WTF? Article here.

Naughty

Stay at homes mom deserve $134,121

A full-time stay-at-home mother would earn $134,121 a year if paid for all her work, an amount similar to a top U.S. ad executive, a marketing director or a judge, according to a study released Wednesday.

A mother who works outside the home would earn an extra $85,876 annually on top of her actual wages for the work she does at home, according to the study by Waltham, Massachusetts-based compensation experts Salary.com.

To reach the projected pay figures, the survey calculated the earning power of the 10 jobs respondents said most closely comprise a mother's role -- housekeeper, day-care teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, chief executive and psychologist.
"You can't put a dollar value on it. It's worth a lot more," said Kristen Krauss, 35, as she hurriedly packed her four children, all aged under 8, into a minivan in New York while searching frantically for her keys. "Just look at me."

Employed mothers reported spending on average 44 hours a week at their outside job and 49.8 hours at their home job, while the stay-at-home mother worked 91.6 hours a week, it showed.

To me this study is just stupid. Of course we know that stay-at-home mom’s and dad’s would make a lot of money if their jobs were ‘contracted.’ You can’t put a price on anyone who stays at home to raise children. If anyone thinks for a moment they should get paid to raise their kids, they should be donkey-punched. Article here.

Basset hound found himself a sandwich

Family gets second set of triplets! 6 kids!

Rich and Sharon Fontana welcomed their second set of triplets into the world Monday at St. Peter's University Hospital.

The Fontanas' other triplets are still in diapers. Danielle, David and Dylan are 2 years old. They're being joined by Alyssa, Evan and Eric.
The family expects to go through about three dozen bottles and 40 diapers a day.

The Fontanas said both sets of triplets were conceived without the benefit of medical help. Sharon Fontana said she's ready for motherhood times six. She says she doesn't have much choice.


Uhh... yeah... I can't imagine... article here.

Biker Bunny!

4-year-old runs 40 miles in 7 hours?

Cheered by thousands, a 4-year-old boy dubbed "India's Forrest Gump" ran 40 miles to enter the country's foremost record book.

"I loved running today. I can run as much as I want," Budhia Singh told reporters Tuesday after the run. Then he sucked his thumb.

Budhia had planned to run 43 miles, but doctors stopped him after 40 miles when he showed signs of extreme exhaustion. His coach, Biranchi Das, said he completed the distance in seven hours and two minutes without a break, a record for someone so young.
Officials of Limca Book of Records, India's best-known record book, witnessed the run and said it would be included in its 2007 edition, the Press Trust of India news agency reported.

The coach had earlier seen Budhia's talent when the boy accidentally entered a sports ground without permission. He ran laps as punishment. When the coach returned five hours later, the boy was still running.

Budhia has gained swift popularity in India. He is being likened by the Indian media to Forrest Gump, the fictional book and movie character who is ridiculed by peers for using leg braces, but overcomes his disability when he discovers that he can "run like the wind blows."'


Damn! Olympics in the near future? Article here.