Wednesday, November 16, 2005

How to get through college? You cheat...

Highlights of my day...

1. Realized I should probably contact the people at Guinness after a co-worker took what appeared to be the "largest dump of all time."

2. Considered what living in a ginger bread house would do for my sex life3. Witnessed the worst attempt in the history of parrallel parking...pointed, laughed and continued on with my day.

4. Wondered when the CEO will read the comment I dropped in the comment box... "I think some exotic dancers would really liven this place up."

5. Made a profile on e-harmony in which I stated I was looking for a "partner in crime", I then went on in blunt detail as to which type of crimes I was looking to commit.

6. About lost it when I heard the hostess at our resturant say, "Rimjob, party of two? Your table is ready."

7. Purposely fell asleep with the National Geographic Channel on to see if I'd dream about those weird tribal woman's banana boobs.

[Via The Casual Friday]

Some more cool ass clouds...

A remote control golf ball? Awesome dude!

I’m really not sure exactly how this works, but this thing ‘appears’ to be a perfectly normal golf ball. However, it is not. This golfball can zig and zag at a touch of the remote control, allowing you to fool golf partners as they watch putts drift wide of the cup at your command. The joystick on the discrete remote control lets you direct the ball within a 100' range. The ball can operate on three different, selectable frequencies, allowing you to race two at a time.

I’m assuming this would be hilarious to watch. Priced at $40, might be worth the money for a good laugh. Click here to buy one.

A funny retro t-shirt...

For those of you who know what this really means… this is fu*kin funny.

(click image to buy shirt)

Mom puts ad for people to date her daughter

A mother has launched a newspaper appeal urging men to write a 500-word essay on why they should be allowed to go out with her 24-year-old daughter.

The mom has placed an ad stating her appeal with the question: "Who wants to date my daughter?".

Single men aged between 24 and 30 are being invited to send in a picture to the North Devon Journal. Ms Adams, 53, said she wanted daughter Sabina to get a partner she deserved.

She insisted that she was not looking for a husband for her daughter, but just hoped to find someone she could celebrate Christmas with after spending the past few single.

Good looks were not the main requirement, she said. But the article does add that "Brad Pitt lookalikes will not be rejected out of hand".

Thanks mom, you probably just ruined your daughters social life forever. I’m sure she’s been plastered all over the local news… (obviously at least the newspaper), I’m totally 100% sure all the guys who will respond to an ad like this will be those genuinely nice ‘guys you’ll wanna take home to mama.’ People are fu*kin crazy. What happened to just going out and talking to people. You don’t have the social skills to do that? Well, you probably won’t have the social skills to talk to whoever responds to this stupid ass newspaper add. Whatever.

The best greeting cards ever made...

Everyone at one time or another has purchased a greeting card to send to a friend or a love one. However, almost all of us has probably ‘not been completely honest’ in how we really felt about the person we were sending the card too. This new website is trying to change all that.

“Tell people how you really feel,” is the overall goal of this website. It offers greeting cards for ‘awkward situations.’ If you don’t think the cards are funny… check out the url: . If you don’t laugh at atleast one of these greeting cards someone should kick you in the crotch. Click here to view more greeting cards.

He's trying to read the name tag... right?

Elementary Coach makes kids get naked?

The male coach of a sports team at an elementary school here forced several schoolgirls to run around naked inside the school's gymnasium in August as punishment for their attitude.

After subjecting the girls to the treatment, the coach allegedly made them sit in an upright position without any clothes on while he lectured them. He also reportedly hit students on the head, and several of them complained that they were afraid of him.

One girl who described the coach as "scary" is now suffering from depression because of the punishment(s). Prefectural and municipal officials have reportedly begun counseling the students to prevent them from suffering post-traumatic stress disorder. The coach had led the team for several years, but this year he allegedly became infuriated over the attitude of students to training and made eight fifth- and sixth-year girls at the elementary school run around naked.

His actions were uncovered after several parents complained to municipal government officials the following month. The worker has admitted to the allegations, and officials are considering punishing him.
Officals are considering punshing him? What the heck? Let me repeat that- they are considering whether or not to punish him? What are they considering!?! The only decisions you’d think is whether or not to completely revoke his teaching license or just fire him. Maybe I’m missing something here, but seems like a pretty cut and dry case to me.

A clever commercial in a different language

I’m really not sure what this is a commercial for (it’s in a different language). It's one of those commercials you watch and all you can do to react is go, "whoa." It’s clever and great for a little chuckle. Click here to watch the video.

(click image to watch commercial)

Dude caught with over $1 million in weed!

A 23-year-old was arrested yesterday after police stopped a truck that was carrying over a million dollars worth of marijuana.

The truck, a Penske rental driven by Shawn Chance, was heading westbound on the bridge, toward New Jersey. The police did an inspection and found 600 pounds of marijuana, in 11 boxes.

The marijuana had a street value in excess of $1 million, making it the largest such seizure of its kind on the bridge this year. The ‘young adult’ was charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of marijuana greater than 50 grams, and possession with intent to distribute over 5 pounds of marijuana. He is being held in jail on $500,000 bail.

Holy fu*kin shit! The guy had 600 pounds of weed! You think careful planning would have gone into an operation like this. I’m still baffled that all this weed was even thought to be bundled together, wouldn’t it make sense to split this up? Click here to read the full article.