Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Hey, baby -- how 'bout you let old Billy Clinton pitch at your strike zone for a while?

Overheard on the streets of New York:

Guy #1: No, man, she's been lying for a while now.
Guy #2: I dunno, man...
Guy #1: It's true. Remember that time I was like, "Hey, where's your baby?" And she was like, "Oh yeah...I had a miscarriage."
Guy #2: True. True.
-Pick a Bagel, 3rd Ave between 22nd & 23rd

Young woman on cell: He said he just wasn't attracted to me. What do you think he meant by that?
-60th & Madison

Drunk girl: Kool-Aid is my most favorite drink in the whole world. When she moved in, it was like great, because it was like, "You love Kool-Aid, too? Awesome, we're going to get along great." But then it ended up, she tried to kill me with a steak knife.
-11th St & 2nd Ave

Girl #1: Everyone always criticizes my choice in men. I get so sick of it; there's nothing wrong with Tom.
Girl #2: He looks like Hitler, he drools, he's always whining and making high-pitched noises, and everyone keeps putting him down, and he never even stands up for himself.
Girl #1: He may be a total loser and a freak but he still has some redeeming qualities. Plus if I didn't date him no one else would.
Tom: Thanks.
-Grand Central

College kid #1: God, that girl over there's hot!
College kid #2: Dude, you need to stop being so obsessed with chicks with tattoos. I fucked a girl with a tattoo, and it was pretty unpleasant.
College kid #1: That's because she was 48 years old and a grandmother...[To entire train] Did everyone hear that? A grandmother!
-L train

Male student #1: Your sister has the best tasting punani in New York.
Male student #2: I'll pay for lunch if you promise not to say that again.
-Columbia University

My hump, my hump -- my lovely lady lumps

Britney Spears is the new face of Wal-Mart?

According to the news, pop celebrity mom Britney Spears is the new face of the retail giant Wal-Mart. For a reportedly one multimillion dollar contract Wal-Mart will use her pretty dolly image to promote I’m Country, a new integrated line of casual fashions, cosmetics, and home accessories.
The announce was made through a statement by Susan Chambers, executive vice president of Wal-Mart's people divisionshe revealed their joy of having Britney Spears as part of the Wal-Mart family. Britney Spears is more then thrilled to model for Wal-Mart, luck the bright side she gets to wear many super-petite baby doll maternity dress from Wal-Mart’s new I’m Country collection. Everyone in the “family” thinks that no other celebrity is more suitable than Britney for the imagine of the Wal-Mart.

"The average Wal-Mart shopper is an under-educated, overweight mother, totally lacking in sophistication, who is married to a man forty pounds her junior," said RDI's director of consumer profiles, Daniel Moffatt.

"We feel that Britney, more than any other celebrity, speaks to the soul of our customer base: the working mother who’s maybe put on weight and let herself go, but who’s still a sassy little number at heart." Source

Crazy card trick -- watch all the way to the end

Pay for 1 movie ticket = free movies all day

So… have you ever gone to a movie and then secretly sneaked into another movie just in time to watch another one? Glad you got lucky? Well there’s a website called Double Feature Finder, it maps out exactly what movies are playing ‘back-to-back’ so you can pay for one movie ticket and watch movies all day (granted you have the time).
Pretty cool idea, (not sure if I'll ever really try it) check out here:

Dude puts on 121 T-shirts at the same time

Click here to see all the pictures.

Woman crashes when teaching dog to drive?

A woman in the capital of north China's Inner Mongolia region, crashed her car while giving her dog a driving lesson, the official Xinhua News Agency said Monday.

No injuries were reported although both vehicles were slightly damaged, it said.

The woman, identified only be her surname, Li, said her dog "was fond of crouching on the steering wheel and often watched her drive," according to Xinhua.
"She thought she would let the dog 'have a try' while she operated the accelerator and brake," the report said. "They did not make it far before crashing into an oncoming car."

Xinhua did not say what kind of dog or vehicles were involved but Li paid for repairs. Article here.

Check out this wicked looking statue

Dude throws cell phone 292 feet for contest

The Mobile Phone Throwing World Championship was held in Finland this weekend. Old phones were supplied for contestants who were allowed to pick which kind of phone they wanted to throw.
The men's winner threw his phone 292 feet. The women's winner tossed her phone 167 feet, a new world record according to the organizers. She said she has tossed a cell phone a time or two before.

Another contestant said three things were needed to compete: technical skills, power, and a sense of humor. There were four competition categories: men, women, juniors and freestyle. Article here

Semi-related to the story is a video of an old Sprint cell phone commercial (below) aired during the Super Bowl this year – good for a chuckle:

8,500 bottle rockets set off at the same time

If you watch less TV you'll have better memory

Turning off the television, picking up a crossword and eating more fish could be the key to a better memory, an Australian survey has found.

Results of the on-line survey of almost 30,000 people, conducted as part of Australia's science week, also found people who read fiction had better memories than those who don't, while heavy drinkers found it more difficult to recall names.

But neuro-psychologist Nancy Pachana said television was not necessarily bad for memory, with wider health and diet and an active lifestyle more crucial to a good memory.

The results found no differences between men and women, with the same scores for both groups on all the tasks. But it found television viewing had the main impact on results.

"Turn off the box, or at least don't view too much of it," the survey results said, adding those who watched less than one hour a day performed better at all memory tasks."

Those who drank less than two alcoholic drinks a day performed better at all memory tasks. People who did crosswords were better at remembering shopping lists and recalling names, while eating fish once a week improved the ability to remember shopping lists.

"TV can be a really passive activity, while reading is active, and any active activity is better," she said, adding TV quiz shows and news programs could be good for the mind. Take thes test online here: The National Memory Test.