Monday, June 02, 2008

Too funny -- I mean really, it is.

Our bad.

Club hoppers now slathering on Preparation H to give themselves that "ripped" look to impress the ladeez.

Of all the drugs young people can use at clubs, the latest trend in New York may be the least hip among all circles: Preparation H.

New York bouncer, blogger and author Rob Fitzgerald has noticed a trend among many of the macho young men waiting outside his clubs. He says the guys are slathering up their torsos with the hemorrhoid cream Preparation H to make themselves look "ripped" for the ladies.

The idea is a bad imitation of a flab spot-treatment secret used by bodybuilders before a competition. But the clubbers who lube up may not like to hear what the medicine in Preparation H actually does to their frame or the real health risks it can pose.

Preparation H contains a medication called phenylephrine HCL that -- when used for the drug's intended purpose -- will shrink the swollen tissues of hemorrhoids. It works by constricting the nearby blood vessels that feed blood and fluid to the area.

But the ingredient doesn't discriminate what kind of tissue it will shrink, hence the underground beauty tips of applying Preparation H under the eyes, on love handles or other places. None of which Wyeth, the makers of Preparation H, support.

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When you got it, flaunt it.

What would you do if this was your kid?

Man assaults stranger with fish. Victim unsure if it was battered.

A resident reported that he was with his girlfriend at the gas pumps while a third friend with them pumped gas into the girlfriend's SUV. A male subject who was not acquainted with the three friends walked out of the store and verbally challenged the male who was pumping gas, then threw a rock at him which struck him in the neck.

The reporting party ran towards the subject and the subject grabbed a fish out of his car and threw it at him, hitting him in the face. The subject next grabbed a beer bottle and threw it at the SUV; he then pulled his pants down and exposed himself to the three friends before leaving the area in a blue car.

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Damn, sucks to be you.

A slow news day = this story

Someone stuffed a large wad of hair into the tailpipe of a car parked in the 1300 block of Grandview Court, complex at the northwest corner of K and North West streets in Carlisle., Carlisle police said.

Police said they don't know when the culprit plugged the exhaust, but it prevented the car, owned by a 40-year-old woman, from running properly.

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She needs to work on coloring in between the lines.

It wouldn't be as funny, if it wasn't so true.

Why I fired my secretary today... (story)

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday". I thought... well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, "Good morning boss, happy birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me".

I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"

I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"

She said, "Let's go to my apartment".

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back". "OK", I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked...

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Its so ridiculous, its brilliant.

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Young Hillary Clinton...

Woman in car accident runs around naked.

A woman was arrested on Tuesday after authorities said she caused a car accident -- and then jumped from her vehicle, and ran around the street completely naked.

According to investigators, Rachel Hanson, 38, was driving the wrong way on a street, when she crashed into a car. Witnesses said Hanson got out of her car completely naked. Officers said Hanson was apparently upset with the driver of the other vehicle, and began an argument. Police said she jumped into his car and tried to drive away.

However, the car would not move, so she reportedly started to walk down the street -- still naked.

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Chest bumping everyone is Bush's new peace plan.

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Blooper from '08 Spelling Bee, 'Numbnut or Numnah?'

Dude poops himself during martial arts fight.

In Saturday's match against Corey Wethey, Mitchell struck his opponent so hard that Wethey lost control of his bowels. The incident required a 10-minute intermission while officials scrubbed down the ring. Mitchell went on to win the fight by Wethey's disqualification.

As the fight prolonged, Mitchell said the smell continued to worsen. Eventually, he removed his mouth piece and expressed his concerns to the ring official.

"He s--- himself," Mitchell said repeatedly.

It was at that point Wethey gained the advantage and locked Mitchell's head between his thighs.

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Street magician trick goes wrong (seems fake)