Overheard on the streets of New York:
Frat boy #1: Dude! Look at that girl in that store... She's checkin' me out.
Frat boy #2: Dude, that's a mannequin!
Frat boy #1: Oh.
Well-meaning volunteer: Help yourself, free condoms from the department of public health.
Hugely pregnant passerby: Too late.
--Grand Central Terminal
Store clerk with thick accent: Condoms? Which one?
Old man: No! Cough drops! Cough drops!
Store clerk: Condoms? [points at condom boxes]
Old man: Look at me... What the heck do I need condoms for!? Cough drops!
Mother: Oh, guess what, honey? Debbie's having a baby!
Six-year-old daughter: She's going to be a horrible mother.
Little girl: Dad. Dad. Dad.
Dad: Stop pulling on me. What?
Little girl, pointing up at an enormous black man: He looks like a big chocolate bar!
Dad, with a forced grin: She's five.
--Line, Grace's Market Place
Chick: Since we broke up you've been smoking a lot.
Chick: You shouldn't smoke.
Guy: You shouldn't suck so much dick but you don't hear me criticize you five times a day.
Chick: [Mouth wide open in shock.]
Guy: To start you should try closing your mouth!
Labels: Offbeat news