Thursday, May 22, 2008

Overheard on the streets of New York:

Frat boy #1: Dude! Look at that girl in that store... She's checkin' me out.
Frat boy #2: Dude, that's a mannequin!
Frat boy #1: Oh.
--Rockefeller Center

Well-meaning volunteer: Help yourself, free condoms from the department of public health.
Hugely pregnant passerby: Too late.
--Grand Central Terminal

Store clerk with thick accent: Condoms? Which one?
Old man: No! Cough drops! Cough drops!
Store clerk: Condoms? [points at condom boxes]
Old man: Look at me... What the heck do I need condoms for!? Cough drops!
--Port Authority

Mother: Oh, guess what, honey? Debbie's having a baby!
Six-year-old daughter: She's going to be a horrible mother.
--The Met

Little girl: Dad. Dad. Dad.
Dad: Stop pulling on me. What?
Little girl, pointing up at an enormous black man: He looks like a big chocolate bar!
Dad, with a forced grin: She's five.
--Line, Grace's Market Place

Chick: Since we broke up you've been smoking a lot.
Guy: Yeah...
Chick: You shouldn't smoke.
Guy: You shouldn't suck so much dick but you don't hear me criticize you five times a day.
Chick: [Mouth wide open in shock.]
Guy: To start you should try closing your mouth!
--B Train


Jello office surprise.


Cat plays with toothbrush. So cute you'll puke.


I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time. Right?


Woman stripped by dude with mechanical shovel.


18-year-old says mom attacked him with meat cleaver.

A 45-year-old woman was arrested Tuesday after her 18-year-old son told police she attacked him with a large meat clever in a home they share.

Ocala police said 18-year-old Chamborg Hecht sustained lacerations to his head and fingers as well as bite marks to his chest and arm. He told investigators he was trying to get away from his mother, whom he lives with, when she wouldn't let him close a bathroom and began attacking him.

Chamborg said his mother, Brenda Hecht, obtained a large meat cleaver and attacked him with it. He also told investigators she put the knife to his neck and threatened to cut off his head and other parts of his anatomy. Police said Brenda told them she was acting in self-defense and admitted to hitting Chamborg in the head with the meat cleaver. She was arrested and charged with attempted murder and jailed.