Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Caption this...

Man shoots 12 nails into his head?

An Oregon man who went to a hospital complaining of a headache was found to have 12 nails embedded in his skull from a suicide attempt with a nail gun, doctors say.
Surgeons removed the nails with needle-nosed pliers and a drill, and the man survived with no serious lasting effects.

The unidentified 33-year-old man was suicidal and high on methamphetamine last year when he fired the nails -- up to 2 inches in length -- into his head one by one.

The nails were not visible when doctors first examined the man in the emergency room of an unidentified Oregon hospital a day later. Doctors were surprised when X-rays revealed six nails clustered between his right eye and ear, two below his right ear and four on the left side of his head.
The study did not say how long the nails were, and a hospital spokeswoman refused to release that information. A photo published in the study suggests the nails range from 1 1/2 to 2 inches long.

No one before is known to have survived after intentionally firing so many foreign objects into the head, according to the report, written by Dr. G. Alexander West, the neurosurgeon who oversaw the treatment of the patient.

The man at first told doctors he had had a nail gun accident, but later admitted it was a suicide attempt. The nails came close to major blood vessels and the brain stem but did not pierce them. The patient was in remarkably good condition when he was transferred to Oregon Health & Science University in Portland, where the nails were removed.

The patient was later transferred to psychiatric care and stayed under court order for nearly a month before leaving against doctors' orders.

Wow. This is crazy. Article here.

Nice aim dude

Paris Hilton has a gambling problem

In The News has confirmed that Paris Hilton has been losing a lot of money in poker games recently, and she is very pissed about losing her car. Paris lost her Bentley over the weekend during one hand at poker.

Here's what Paris had to say about the loss: " I'm obsessed with poker. It's my favorite game. I'm really lucky in Vegas, I always win."
I might need some help understand this, because it seems like she doesn't understand the concept of winning and losing. She loses her Bentley and then talks about how lucky she is? Am I surprised by this… not at all. She really does have a rough life.

Blow on this right here Grandma

Naked man found stuck in chimney?

A man who spent five hours naked and stuck in the chimney of his stepmother's home was arrested on suspicion of being under the influence of drugs, police said.

Police say Michael Urbano, 23, locked himself out of the house early Saturday morning and decided to get in on a cable TV wire through the chimney. But the wire broke and Urbano fell, getting stuck about three-quarters of the way down. He was freed when a firefighter pushed him to safety.

"We get him up, and he's naked as a jaybird," said Lt. Gary Branson. "He tells us he took his clothes off because there would be less friction going down the chute. We did find his clothes. So that part checked out."

Authorities were called about 6:15 a.m. Saturday. A neighbor heard "faint, distressing" calls since about 2:30 a.m. and decided to call police. Police say it probably wasn't a comfortable few hours for Urbano. "He's not fat," Branson said, "but he used to play football. He's not that little."

Naked huh? Weird. And "He’s not fat… and he played football"? Sweet quote to get in the paper, bet he feels like a jack-ass. Article here.

She’s got cool earings on, don’t you think?

Dad, son, neighbor swalloed by cesspool

A 71-year-old man who went outside in the rain to pick up the Sunday newspaper plunged into a cesspool in his front yard, and his son and neighbor were sucked in when they tried to help.

The victims escaped, two with the help of firefighters, covered in raw sewage but not badly hurt. Andrew Palladino said the soggy ground, soaked by two days of rain, gave way outside his Long Island home: "I walked across the lawn, and all of a sudden I disappeared."

He yelled to his wife for help, and she threw a rope and called their son, Dan, who lives with them. The son said the scene "was like a horror picture."

A neighbor who heard the commotion ran over to help — but the ground gave way again, swallowing him and the son. The neighbor crawled out and passers-by tried to hold onto the others until the Huntington Fire Department arrived.

Firefighters secured the ground, lassoed Palladino and his son and dragged them out. It's not the first time a cesspool — a pit that collects waste from toilets and sinks — has swallowed someone in Huntington.

Holy sh*t. No way! Article here.

Looook att the puupppppyyy!

Pieces of body found on freeway?

The call came in from a passing motorist that someone had just been struck on the freeway. Body parts were strewn across the breakdown lane and adjacent median, which was sparsely covered in grass and weeds. Stranger still was the fact that all they found were pieces of a person's legs.

The torso, arms and head were nowhere to be seen.

The Sheriff's Department sent a helicopter to search for the body from above. A Colton fire engine arrived with infrared scanners to do the same. Still, no luck.

California Highway Patrol officers fanned out, driving down nearby exit ramps and cruising the surrounding neighborhoods. Soon after, one officer got lucky.

"An officer was driving on Valley Boulevard when he saw a car pulling out of a parking lot," said Sgt. Fernando Contreras. "The windshield had a huge hole in it." The officer stopped the driver, Chico explained that he was driving about 70 mph east on I-10, about a half-mile east of Pepper Avenue, when he hit the woman, whose upper body broke through his windshield and landed in the back seat of his 1987 Honda Prelude.

Behind a Mexican steakhouse on the north side of West Valley, authorities found a blue commercial trash bin. Inside was the rest of a woman's body. "Because of the impact (with Chico's car), it split the woman in half," Contreras said. Click here to read the full article.

Uh, excuse me... uh oh whoa- ok?

Boater finds human head off florida keys

Monroe County officials say a boater found a human head in the ocean just a few miles off Islamorada.

Sheriff's Office spokeswoman Becky Herrin says part of the spine was still attached, and some teeth remained. The head was found off of Alligator Reef, a popular snorkel and dive spot about four miles east of Indian Key.

The head is now with the medical examiner, who will try to determine its identity and how it got separated from the body.

WTF? Part of the spine was still attached to the head? Sounds like the work of Scorpion from Mortal Combat… “finish him!” (only true video gamers will get that joke). Article here.

Snake sniffs her scrumdidly-umptious

You can't be fired for web-surfing at work

A judge in New York has ruled that surfing the web is equivalent to reading a newspaper or talking on the phone, and only a reprimand is appropriate as punishment for a city worker accused of failing to heed warnings to stay off the Internet.

Administrative Law Judge John Spooner reached his decision in the case of Toquir Choudhri, a 14-year veteran of the Department of Education who had been accused of ignoring supervisors who told him to stop browsing the Internet at work.

The ruling came after Mayor Michael Bloomberg fired a worker in the city's legislative office in Albany earlier this year after he saw the man playing a game of solitaire on his computer.

In his decision, Spooner wrote: "It should be observed that the Internet has become the modern equivalent of a telephone or a daily newspaper, providing a combination of communication and information that most employees use as frequently in their personal lives as for their work."

He added: "For this reason, city agencies permit workers to use a telephone for personal calls, so long as this does not interfere with their overall work performance. Many agencies apply the same standard to the use of the Internet for personal purposes."

Spooner dispensed the lightest possible punishment on Choudhri, a reprimand, after a search of Choudhri's computer files revealed he had visited several news and travel sites. Martin Druyan, Choudhri's lawyer, called the ruling "very reasonable." Article here.

Cup holder

Teacher blasts his kids/friends on blog

In an anonymous blog he called "Fast Times at Regnef High," a Fenger High School teacher unleashed his frustration over the chaos he saw around him.

He labeled his students "criminals," saying they stole from teachers, dealt drugs in the hallways, had sex in the stairwells, flaunted their pregnant bellies and tossed books out windows. He dismissed their parents as unemployed "project" dwellers who subsist on food stamps, refuse to support their "baby mommas" and bad-mouth teachers because their no-show teens are flunking.

He took swipes at his colleagues, too--"union-minimum" teachers, literacy specialists who "decorate their office door with pro-black propaganda," and security officers whose "loyalty is to the hood, not the school."

In his blog, the teacher did not identify himself or his students, the exact name of his school or the city where he taught. But like most bloggers, he wanted an audience, so he wrote in his blog that he had leaked news of his site to a few co-workers. Soon enough, the 30-year-old teacher's name was the talk of the school.

This week, after returning from spring break, the students read how they were depicted and flamed the blog with profane threats and righteous indignation toward the teacher. By Thursday, the reaction grew so vitriolic that the blogger took down his site from Blogger.com.

Click here to read the full story. Semi-sorta-interesting stuff.