Cashier: How are you?
Customer: Do you want the honest answer?
Customer: I feel like the business end of a donkey. I am extremely hungover and did a mountain of cocaine last night. Now I have to make dinner for a 68-year-old gay artist who is trying to fuck me.
Cashier: I'm... sorry.
Customer: And the woman I love is in another state pregnant with her ex-boyfriend's baby, and I wish the baby was mine. And I'm sleeping with a dominatrix. And it's all true.
Grandson: I wanna watch that show Chuck -- about the spy.
Grandma: Cluck? It's called 'Cluck'?
Grandson: Chuck. He's a spy.
Grandma: Cluck? Like a chicken?
Grandson: Grandma, you're stupid.
Grandma: I just don't think a chicken would make a good spy. He'd always be clucking.
Grandson: He's not a chicken, he's a spy.
Grandma: But then again, no one expects a chicken... Damn chickens...
White mom: Which kitty is your favorite?
Little girl holding book of baby animals: The black one!
Mom: The black one? He sure is a cute kitty.
Little girl, loudly: Once you go black, you never go back!
Passing thug, flashing her a thumbs-up: Word!
White mom: I don't care what your father says, we are so moving to Westchester.
-Commodore Barry Park, Fort Greene, Brooklyn
Labels: overheard in new york