Thursday, June 21, 2007

Uh... yeah -- chicks dig cigarette smoke?


Dude bursts into flames after being shot by taser gun

Police are investigating the firey death of a man who burst into flames after dousing himself in petrol and then being shot with a taser gun.

Officers used the gun after the man had poured gasoline over himself. Juan Flores Lopez, 47, died. Police initially used pepper spray when they tried to take Lopez into custody. Then they used the Taser. Some stun guns emit an electric spark when they deliver the jolt of electricity.

Two of his sons who live nearby said their father had been threatening for months to burn himself and his house. His wife was seeking a divorce and he did not want to have to leave the house, the sons said. » Article here


Baby intimidation.

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Dude tries to jump down 26 stairs on a skateboard

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Overheard on the streets of New York:

Blond Tourist Bimbo: I've never even heard of the G Train.
Blond Local Bimbo: Yeah, it's a ghetto train.
Blond Tourist Bimbo: Where does it go?
Blond Local Bimbo: Nowhere.
Black eight-year-old boy: Except my home, bitch.
-G train Hoyt/Schermerhorn station

Guy: I was seeing her for a while, but it just wasn't working out. I guess I'm not over Jessica.
Girl: What?
Guy: What do you mean, what?
Girl: I thought you were gay.
Guy: Oh, because I'm a hairdresser. How original. Just because I'm a hairdresser you think I'm gay.
Girl: No. I thought you were gay because when I stayed at your house four years ago I woke up and saw you fucking Matt in the ass!
Guy: Oh my God. Matt and I have never talked about that night.
-9th & B

Guy #1: I'd totally hit that.
Guy #2: Dude, I'd hit that so hard whoever could pull me out would become the King of England.
-College Walk, Columbia University

Chick: How come we're always talking about how the Jews were persecuted? Lots of people have been persecuted. My people have been persecuted, too.
Professor guy: Um...This is "Introduction to Jewish-American Literature".
Chick: ...Yeah, but still.
-Waverly Building, Waverly Place

Guy, staring at girl: You look like someone I know.
Girl: It's me.
Guy: Oh, hi Alexis. You look different at eight in the morning.
-C train

Pilot: We're on our way to New York where the weather is cold and icy, just like my prom date back in high school.
-Jet Blue flight 114 from Ft. Lauderdale to JFK

Older man hugging younger man: Wassup, my nigga?
Younger man: Dad, cut it out. We're white.
-Leonard & Lafayette St

Mom: Are you okay in there, sweetie?
Little girl in stall: I can't button my pants.
Mom: It's alright. Just come on out.
Little girl in stall: And I pooped on the floor.
-Bathroom, AMC Theatres, Times Square


Photoworthy: panoramic of University of Toronto

(click to enlarge)


I guess to be an engineer, you've got to make some sacrifices?

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Mom arranges 'sex contract' for her boyfriend to have sex with her 15-year-old daughter

A mother accused of arranging a sex pact to allow her boyfriend to have sex with her 15-year-old daughter while the woman recuperated from surgery was sentenced to 12 to 22 1/2 years in prison.

The 41-year-old woman pleaded no contest in April to three counts of third-degree criminal sexual conduct. Authorities said the woman agreed to the arrangement because she feared losing her boyfriend, Michael Fitzgibbon, while recuperating from the operation on her abdomen.

In exchange for sex, the 15-year-old testified she was to be paid and receive privileges, such as piercings, hair dyeing and permission to stay overnight with her own boyfriend.

Fitzgibbon was also sentenced to 12 to 25 years for each of two other cases involving first-degree criminal sexual conduct charges involving a 12-year-old girl. He is serving the sentences at the same time after pleading no contest to the charges in February. » Article here


Bill & Hillary Clinton recreate the final scene from the Sopranos

(note: this will not be funny or interesting to anyone who hasn't seen the show)

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Two dudes hit child with car, crowd kills passenger

An angry crowd beat a man to death after a vehicle he was riding in struck and injured a young boy in a public housing parking lot, police said Wednesday.

A car in which David Rivas Morales, 40, was a passenger had entered the lot when it struck a 2-year-old child, said Austin Police Commander Harold Piatt. The child was taken to a hospital with non-life threatening injuries.

The driver got out of the car to check on the child and was confronted by several people, Piatt said. When they attacked the driver, Morales got out of the car to protect the driver and was attacked as well. Police said no guns or knives were used.

Chovanetz said witnesses told police that three or four men attacked Morales, knocking him to the ground. A man got out of another vehicle and hit Morales again. » Full article here


Someone play with me.


Toliet sewage flows down aisles of plane, OMG - gross!

Passengers on a Continental Airlines flight had to hold their noses for hours as sewage overflowed from toilets while they were high over the Atlantic.

"To be blatantly honest, I was more nervous than I had ever been on a flight," said Collin Brock. I've never felt so offended in all my life. I felt like i had been physically abused and neglected. I was forced to sit next to human excrement for seven hours," said Brock.

That's after lavatories - in the middle of a flight filled with passengers - started spewing sewage. "Sickening. It's a nauseating smell. It's very uncomfortable," said Brock.

It was last Wednesday afternoon when his flight left Amsterdam, but roughly two hours into it, the passengers were told the lavatories were out of commission. An unplanned landing in Shannon, Ireland was made to fix the problem. A pit stop became an overnight stay. The next day, the same plane headed for its original destination of Newark, New Jersey, but just after takeoff, the sewage overflow began. This time, there was no turning around.

He says was there was one partially-working restroom on the plane for the more than 200 people onboard. He also says the flight attendants - who were serving meal service in a stinky, unappetizing cabin - told everyone to not eat or drink too much.

"To be told that we were supposed to monitor what comes out the other end of us was insulting," said Brock. "Shame on continental. It was the worst flight experience I have ever had." Continental gave Collin a $500 voucher for a future flight for the inconvenience. He says he's not sure he'll ever use it. » Article here

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College student hits pedestrian, assaults him, then tries to leave

An all-american track star for BYU who is accused of assaulting a pedestrian in at a crosswalk.

Capt. Cliff Argyle said distance runner Kyle Perry, 23, was traveling east on Center Street when he reportedly struck a pedestrian in a crosswalk with his car. Argyle said after hitting the pedestrian, who was pushing a mop bucket, Perry is accused of getting out of his vehicle, grabbing a mop from the bucket and striking the pedestrian with the mop. The pedestrian reportedly grabbed another mop to defend himself, Argyle said.

Perry is accused of then shoving the pedestrian over a planter box and getting back into his car and attempting to leave the scene. But the pedestrian reportedly stood in front of the vehicle and didn't allow Perry to leave until police arrived. » Article here