Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Yeah... silly blondes!

[via Bits&Pieces]

Customer stuffs mouse in Taco Bell burrito

Prosecutors charge Ryan Daniel Goff hatched a mousey scam to strike it rich. He's charged with planting a dead mouse in a burrito at a Taco Bell in Traverse City, Mich.

Goff, 20, laughed and smiled as a judge charged with him extortion for allegedly stuffing the dead mouse in the burrito last week. Prosecutors said Goff's plan was ill-conceived from the start. Investigators said Goff complained his burrito tasted funny when he ate at the Taco Bell Jan. 24.
They said he didn't want a replacement burrito and insisted on keeping his when he left. Court documents said he later called Taco Bell's regional manager, asking for money to settle the matter.

He's accused of trying to extort money from the manager to make the mouse matter disappear. But prosecutors charge Goff's girlfriend saw him buy frozen mice at a pet store and place one in the burrito.

Goff, 20, was already in jail on unrelated charges last week. His bond has been raised to $100,000.

Imagine if someone actually ate it? Wait, that's gross to just even conceptualize actually happening. F*ckin sick. I just vomited in my mouth. Article here.

Damn dude, you scratched my 'vette!

High schooler's sign, "Bong Hits 4 Jesus"

An Alaska high school violated a student's free speech rights by suspending him after he unfurled a banner reading "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" across the street from the school, a federal court ruled on Friday.

Joseph Frederick, a student at Juneau-Douglas High School in Alaska, displayed the banner -- which refers to smoking marijuana -- in January 2002 to try to get on television as the Olympic torch relay was passing the school.

Principal Deborah Morse seized the banner and suspended the 18-year-old for 10 days, saying he had undermined the school's educational mission and anti-drug stance.

The appeals court said the banner was protected speech because it did not disrupt school activity and was displayed off school grounds during a non-curricular activity. The court also cleared the way for Frederick to seek damages, saying Morse was aware of relevant case law and should have known her actions violated his rights. Article here.

Man fights a great white shark, and wins...

(click to enlarge)
[via Bits&Pieces]

Overheard on the streets of New York:

Man: But I'm just not attracted to you. You're like a sister to me.
Woman: But I'm not your sister. And besides, you know, me and my sister fooled around when we were little.

Man: Hmmm, let's see. After this we could go get a drink, or I could go home and think about how much I'm not attracted to you...
Woman: I mean think about it...Hypothetical incest. Predetermined lust, undeformed children.
-Al di La, Park Slope

Teen girl #1: I have worn this shirt three times in my entire life, and every time I do she wears the exact same one.
Teen girl #2: That's because she's a slut.
-Poly Prep Country Day School, Bay Ridge

Black chick #1: You know what's the funniest birthday card I ever read?
Black chick #2: What?
Black chick #1: "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, happy birthday to you, I hope you bust a nut."
Black chick #2: Yeah, on your birthday you gotta cum.
-Duane Reade, Penn Station

Chick: Today is such a good day; my class was cancelled, it's sunny, I'm so relaxed.
Guy: Yeah, and I fucked the shit out of you.
Chick: Yeah, I love you.
-7th & B

[via OHINY]

Da-na-na-nun-na-nun-na, Bat-Dog!

Explore Mars with the help of Google

First there was Google Earth, then Google Moon... now, Google Mars.

Google Inc. expanded its galactic reach by launching Google Mars, a Web browser-based mapping tool that gives users an up-close, interactive view of the Red Planet with the click of a mouse.
The Martian maps were made from images taken by NASA's orbiting Mars Odyssey and Mars Global Surveyor.

Google Mars doesn't provide driving directions, but users can see the planet in three different formats: The Martian elevation map is color-coded by altitude; the visible-imagery map shows the surface in black-and-white pictures; the infrared map indicates temperature, with cooler areas dark and warmer areas bright.

Users can also zoom in on any of the three maps to view geographical features such as mountains, canyons, dunes and craters. The maps also pinpoint the locations of unmanned space probes that have landed on Mars.

Yeah, so when you look at Google Mars- most people come to pretty much the same conclusion… everything on Mars looks the same. I’m sure if you were actually on Mars it would look cool- but just by judging by the pictures on Google Mars, nothing seems that interesting to me. So this is useless to the average citizen. Whatever. I guess it’s still kind of cool. Click here to go to Google Mars.

Well, it's one way to hold a phone?

Two students steal hundreds of cookies

Two high school students were arrested on burglary and theft charges after allegedly stealing hundreds of cookies from the school's kitchen.

About 300 cookies, which cost 75 cents each, had been stolen from the kitchen over several days so surveillance cameras were set up. The cameras allegedly caught the two ninth-graders carrying garbage bags. They were then identified by a coach, The Stuart News said Friday.
The two students, a 14-and a 15-year-old, allegedly told authorities they were hungry after track team practice, said David Morris, the director of safety and security. "I guess they worked up an appetite," Morris said.

The thieves stole about 30 to 50 cookies each day, along with salads and drinks.
" They might have been dealing in stolen cookies but we just didn't want to go that far," Morris said.

Uh, the real question is… why? Article here.

Talk about dedication...

The fastest lawn mower in the world

The Dixie Chopper Xtreme is the world’s fastest lawnmower. It has a 990cc 33-hp engine with the capability to mow grass at 15mph.
Given it can take either a 60 or 72 inch cut, that’s a lawnmower capable of mowing a football field in under ten minutes or turn 8.7 acres of grass into lawn every hour all day.

Each year in the United States, there are nearly two million ride-on lawnmowers sold, and in recent years the ride-on mower market has shifted from primarily professional turf care to now more than 60% consumer.
Designed by Dixie Chopper's founder and former race car driver and engine builder Art Evans after he had been selling mowers for several years and decided he could build something better, the extreme mower has proven a to be a huge hit in America where the top end of the market wants and needs a mower designed for extreme conditions.

The Xtreme boasts Dixie Chopper’s patented Operator-Controlled Discharge Chute (OCDC), a Generac-approved Silent Exhaust that meets noise requirements, and a hydraulic oil cooler with a 2.5-gallon-capacity hydraulic system. The Xtreme also comes with a tachometer, hour meter, engine crash guard and parking brake. Article here.

Kids, stop masturbating in the showers!

(click to enlarge)

Woman gets beer from kitchen faucet!?!

It almost seemed like a miracle to Haldis Gundersen when she turned on her kitchen faucet this weekend and found the water had turned into beer.

Two flights down, employees and customers at the Big Tower Bar were horrified when water poured out of the beer taps.

By an improbable feat of clumsy plumbing, someone at the bar in western Norway, had accidentally hooked the beer hoses to the water pipes for Gundersen's apartment.

"We had settled down for a cozy Saturday evening, had a nice dinner, and I was just going to clean up a little," Gundersen, 50, told The Associated Press by telephone Monday. "I turned on the kitchen faucet and beer came out."

However, Gundersen said the beer was flat and not tempting, even in a country where a half-liter (pint) can cost about 25 kroner ($3.75) in grocery stores.

Per Egil Myrvang, of the local beer distributor, said he helped bartenders reconnect the pipes by telephone.

"The water and beer pipes do touch each other, but you have to be really creative to connect them together," he told local newspapers.
Gundersen joked about having the pub send up free beer for her next party. "But maybe it would be easier if they just invited me down for a beer," she said.

Damn, too bad the beer wasn’t good… that would have been awesome! Article here.