Monday, March 20, 2006

Surprise!

[via Bits&Pieces]

My prediction for Monday, March 20th:

I am going to go ahead and say today, is indefinitely and officially the annual: “Bitch about how bad your NCAA bracket is f*cked day.”

No matter where you are/ who you are (at work, in college, high school, at the laundry mat, on the bus, in a bar, etc.) people will be wasting their time talking about how screwed their bracket is and how they did or didn’t pick the upset(s) this past week.

Now, since my team is out of the tournament (Kansas University), you’d probably just say I’m just bitter loud mouth- but inevitably you have to admit it’s true that numerous yet pointless conversations will be occurring today about people’s NCAA bracket. I can’t help but think when people are explaining to me who they picked- I don’t really freakin’ care. Honestly. Do I think you’re a better or smarter person because you picked Wichita State over Tennesse? …what I really am thinking about is the fact the person talking to me is two inches from my face and has horrific garlic infested bad breath. And they smell.

I’m also curious, does anyone ever take bets on the NIT bracket? Imagine how hard that’d be to pick the winners for that tournament!? Maybe I’ll start betting on that tournament instead with my friends next year…

Man throws his own penis at police?

Jakub Fik threw something unusual at police… his penis. Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody.

"We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.
Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.

Fik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak. He told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland, Dolan said.
Police arrived on Fik's block at 8:20 a.m. Wednesday after receiving reports he was smashing car windows, Dolan said. Fik then broke into a house down the block. A group of six or seven officers assembled in front of the house, Dolan said.

Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived and may have already cut off his organ, Dolan said. “At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives . . . and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said.

Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too, Dolan said. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives," Dolan said. Dolan sneaked to the side of the bungalow's front steps and stunned Fik with the Taser. Fik fought back when officers went to restrain him, Dolan said.

"About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said. Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works. "As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.

Wow, not your typical police arrest now is it? I’m pretty curious how the dialogue would of went between the different officers at the scene. I'd imagine it to be something like this:
Police Officer 1: “Uh-did that guy just throw a penis at us?"
Police Officer 2: "Yeah, who’s going to pick that up?"
Police Officer 1: "Not it."
Police Officer 2: "Thumb rule."
Police Officer 1: "Where’s the rookie at?"
Article here.

Hmm... I wonder who wins in this game?

Hitchhiker forced to eat pizza at knifepoint?

A Tennessee Timothy Lee Hagewood, 42, faces kidnapping charges after police said Wednesday that he took a hitchhiker to a Robertsdale convenience store and forced him to eat pizza and drink wine at knifepoint.

Hagewood picked up Billy Watson, 35, of Jacksonville, Fla., somewhere along Interstate 10 in Mobile. Watson entered Hagewood's Dodge pickup truck voluntarily and was apparently headed back to Florida. They pulled into the Pride Express Food Mart, on U.S. 90, around 6 p.m.

Suddenly, Hagewood demanded that Watson sit down on the floor of the convenience store and eat ready-made pizza, the investigator said. Police believe Hagewood was drunk at the time, according to Dobson.

At one point, Hagewood offered a clerk $40 for a bag of ice and a soda and refused any change, Dobson said. Hagewood then pulled a 5-inch knife from his pocket and pressed it against Watson's stomach, Dobson said.

Later, Hagewood opened a bottle of wine by breaking its tip over a table, took swigs, and told Watson, "Don't get up or I'll cut you," according to Dobson. Watson ate some pizza and drank wine "for a moment, to pacify (Hagewood) and to calm him down," Dobson said.

Along with at least four other patrons, two workers were inside at the time of the alleged incident. Each person escaped safely and the workers called police. Timothy Lee Hagewood, 42, of Clarksville Tenn., was charged with second-degree kidnapping and resisting arrest after the incident Tuesday evening. Article here.

So much for his underwear...

Britney Spears stepped on a needle?

The Daily Star is reporting that Britney Spears was taken to hospital after stepping on a hypodermic needle in Hawaii.

A source told the Daily Star: “It was lucky. Britney loves to walk bare-foot, especially when she’s in a holiday mood in Hawaii. Maybe she’ll think twice now. It was more the shock of seeing the needle poking out of her foot. All sorts of things race through your mind in that situation. The conclusion we’d all jump to is that it was discarded by a drug user. Britney was distraught but brave.”

They claim Britney is fine, but who knows- she might have some disease now. How crazy would that be! That’d make some headlines. You gotta admit Britney is on a roll in the news with all these dumb things she’s out doing. This isn't the first time she's been in the news about her feet.

[via Darkhat]

Foods that will help your bad breath

Mints and gum don't always get the job done when it comes to fighting bad breath. However, experts recently cited some foods that can help, Oklahoma City television station KOCO reported.

First, consider crunchy fruits and vegetables such as apples, carrots and celery. Also, reach for some naturally sweet foods, such as berries, citrus fruits, melons and other foods rich in vitamin C.

Experts said those foods create an environment that bacteria don't like. Likewise, the active culture in a serving of yogurt each day reduces the level of odor-causing hydrogen sulfide.

Semi-sorta- useless-information- but-it’s-kinda- good-to-know. Source here.

Meerkats are cool little dudes!

Product claims to fool 'Red-Light' cameras

Photoblocker, which Monte Bowman plans to start selling in Council Bluffs, Nebraska, is a product that's supposed to make a car's license plate invisible to red-light cameras.

That city has seven cameras mounted at five intersections. If a car runs a red light, a flash goes off and the camera takes a picture of the license plate. Then, the vehicle's owner gets a $65 ticket in the mail, regardless of who's driving.

That's where Photoblocker comes in, and Bowman's claim is that drivers using it will no longer get caught.

A bottle of Photoblocker is $38 on the Internet. The makers, Phantom Plate Inc., say that if a driver sprays the "invisible formula" on his or her license plate, Photoblocker will "reflect the traffic enforcement camera's flash ... rendering the picture unreadable."

There is some speculation on if this product actually works, click here to read the full story.

The oak trees look like pubes, :)

Turkey smashes through couples window?

Gerald and Maureen Henze were watching some afternoon TV in their home when all of a sudden everything changed. After a loud bang, Maureen was showered by shards of glass, and Gerald and their dog were chasing a turkey down the hall.

"Something just exploded," Gerald Henze told The Saginaw News. He turned and saw a turkey walking down the hallway. Maureen Henze, who was sitting in a recliner, was injured by flying glass after the turkey crashed through the picture window of their James Township home.
Maureen Henze sought treatment at Covenant Medical Center for minor injuries to her legs and feet and returned home that evening, said Carleton, of Lima, Ohio. Gerald Henze suffered small abrasions on his hands.

The couple's dog, Donny, jumped up from a slumber and chased the intruder into a back bedroom. Gerald Henze trapped the bird in the guest room until county sheriff's deputies arrived.

"I was right behind it and got a handful of tail feathers before it ran into the bedroom," Gerald Henze said. Deputy Kirt Shields released the uninjured turkey, but not before receiving some minor scratches.
A turkey crashing through your window… would pretty much scare the sh*t out of me. On the flip side, seeing your dog chase it down the hallway would be sweet. Bittersweet chain of events = a great story to tell the neighbors. Article here.

Needless to say, they like Coors Light?

Man survives unbelievable bad car crash

A man was trapped inside a flattened Audi, pinned down by a massive tractor trailer and survived. The entire crash was caught on tape. It all happened during rush hour on one of the country's busiest highways.

The crash was captured by a camera mounted on the dashboard of a charter bus. An out of control tractor trailer careens across the Long Island Expressway, plowing the small black Audi into the median and the bus.
The car was obliterated. The driver, though, was basically fine.

"I've been picking glass out of my scalp for two days," said crash victim Bryan Pacelli. Pacelli, 39, has a herniated disk in his neck, a couple of pinched nerves, and some scratches. No one can believe it, especially him.

The camera that caught the crash was installed by DriveCam, a firm that places the units on commercial vehicles so companies can monitor their employees' driving and analyze what went wrong in a crash.

"We can take a look at the video and the audio. We can coach the driver on what he or she could have done differently or should have done differently," said DriveCam CEO Bruce Moeller.

So why did Pacelli survive? There's no good explanation, but Bryan credits his faith and his Audi TT. He's an Audi dealer with a newfound respect for his product. "The car did its job. The car was smashed to smithereens; the entire passenger compartment of the car is still intact," he said.

Damn dude. It really is a miracle this guy is alive. Sandwiched between a charter bus and a tractor trailer usually means bad odds of coming out in one piece. But it’s awesome this guy survived it. Click here to watch the video footage.

Mouse-made-toys

Waitress gets $1,000 tip from stranger

When a couple left a huge tip on the table at Roanoke restaurant, their waitress figured it had to be a joke. They left $1,000 to cover a bill of $26.35. With it was a note saying "Keep the change! Have a great day."

The gift left waitress Amanda Newkirk teary with excitement. But the 19-year-old, who's seven months pregnant, couldn't figure out why she'd been given such a generous tip -- 10 $100 bills.

A couple of days later, she got her answer. A 28-year-old widow called Newkirk's boss to say she'd and her fiancé had left the tip because she "didn't need it," and wanted to give it to someone who did.

Erin Dogan said she's a shopaholic and could have easily spent the money at a mall. She said giving the money to Newkirk made her feel "phenomenal." Dogan said she's been going through a tough time since her husband died last year and she felt compelled to help someone.

Both women say the action has changed their lives. Newkirk plans to use some of the money to help pay for medical bills related to her pregnancy.

After a lot of bickering and deliberation between my roommates and myself- we figured out that putting $1,000 on a $26 bill is around a 3750%. Damn. Yeah- uh- so can I help Erin Dogan with her shopaholic problem?! I’d gladly take any money she needs to ‘therapeutically donate’ to random people. Talk about this waitress’s lucky day.Article here.