Wednesday, August 08, 2007

This pastor's sermon goes awry...

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Teacher 'cut and pasted' students faces onto porn images

Prosecutors say child pornography found on the computer of a Salinas elementary school teacher contained the "morphed" faces of some of his students.

Prosecutor Gary Thelander said accused child molester John Hawthorne used Photoshop software to cut and paste digital photos of female students onto pornographic images he downloaded from the Internet. » Article here

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Check out the dog in the crate. So cute, it'll make you puke.

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Bank robber forgets to take the cash?

Authorities in Oakland County, Michigan, report a would-be bank bandit forgot something. Sheriff's Detective Tom Bisio says a bank teller apparently put a hitch in the robber's plans when she asked if he had a bag for the money he was demanding. Bisio says the flustered crook ran out of the Chase Bank branch without any cash.

Authorities are now searching for the man they say is a suspect in four other area robberies in recent weeks. » Article here

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See it? Look closely.

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13-year-old shoots her dad in the face with shotgun

Outside the home's front door lay a bare, blood-soaked mattress and box spring. The house inside was infested with fleas, the plumbing was backed up, much of the furniture was broken and the stench of cat urine filled the air.

Matthew Booth, 34, was lying face-up on the mattress when he was shot in the head. His 13-year-old daughter told investigators she used a 12-gauge shotgun to shoot him in the face, a crime that her attorney said was precipitated by years of sexual abuse.

"I've been in crack houses that have been nicer," said Eddie Rose, a private investigator hired by the girl's attorney, Patrick Nightingale. » Article here

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SUV + pulling down basketball goal = bad news

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Those "Brainy Baby" videos won't make your kid smart after all

In fact they may make a child slower in picking up vocabulary in the first two years of life. Researchers found that every hour babies spent watching videos, they understood an average of six to eight fewer words than a baby who didn't watch the programs. » Article here

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Yep, he's that guy.

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Priest arrested for running naked in public.

A Catholic priest faces an indecent exposure charge after jogging in the nude about an hour before sunrise.

The Rev. Robert Whipkey told officers he had been running naked at a high school track and didn't think anyone would be around at that time of day, a police report said. He told officers he sweats profusely if he wears clothing while jogging. "I know what I did was wrong," he said in the report. » Article here

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Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

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Overheard on the streets of New York:

Dad: What's wrong, sweetie?
Two-year-old child model tugging at shirt on set and grimacing: Daddy, I just poopied my diaper.
Dad: I appreciate your honesty.
-Photoshoot, Midtown

Chick: I'm kinda concerned about this lotion I started using. It contains semen.
Dude: Ew... But so what?
Chick: Well, I think that it could make me pregnant. Like, the sperm could seep through my pores and then swim through my blood...
Dude: But your pores don't have fallopian tubes...
Chick: But what if? I bet if I got pregnant, it would be, like, the devil's baby.
Dude: Yeah, and you probably can't abort the devil's baby.
-116th & Broadway

Teen girl #1: Jason called me today and asked me if I was in Bay Ridge.
Teen girl #2: How would he know you were there? Is he stalking you or something?
Teen girl #1: God, I hope so.
-Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn

Teen girl #1: I'm not even giving a fuck. If I was giving a fuck, I'd tell him I give a fuck, but I'm not giving a fuck, so I'm telling you I'm not giving a fuck.
Teen girl #2: Okay, okay, just shut up.
-14th & 6th

Chipper student: She's a druggie, so she had all sorts of drug memorabilia.
Professor: You mean paraphernalia?
Chipper student: Yeah.
-Pace University

Woman buying bagel: Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. I guess you're not sleeping with my roommate anymore.
Bagel cashier: Hey! How have you been?
-Flatbush Ave

Toddler, pointing out window: Bitch!
Grandmother: Bridge. It's a bridge.
Toddler: Bitch!
-F train

via

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Fans fight at a football game.

(even though this is old, it's still totally blogworthy)

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Five Shocking Stats About Men and Sex

Sex on the Brain
The idea that men think about sex every seven seconds, like the claim that we only use 10 percent of our brains, is often repeated but rarely sourced. The number doesn't bear up against scrutiny. According to the Kinsey Report (Sexual Behavior in the Human Male), 54 percent of men think about sex every day or several times a day, 43 percent a few times a week or a few times a month, and 4 percent less than once a month. Even though the Kinsey Report relies on men to self-report on how often they think about sex, it's still eye opening to find that just under half of men aren't even thinking about sex once a day. Clearly, the seven-second rule may be a tad hyperbolic.

Measuring Up
For as long as there's been such thing as a ruler, men have been putting wood to, um, wood and wondering how they measure up. "There's nothing wrong with you. You look at yourself from above and you look foreshortened," Hemingway reassured a panicking F. Scott Fizgerald.
"It is basically not a question of the size in repose. It is the size that it becomes. It is also a question of angle."

The trouble is that most of the actual surveys of penis size are unscientific and unreliable. The Kinsey survey relied on men to report their own numbers honestly and accurately—never a good idea. (Curiously, that survey found that gay men reported having longer penises than straight men—a finding never since replicated.)


» Read the full article here

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Britney Spears hooked up with a college student.

“My Twisted Night with Brit — topless, drunk and lonely, Spears seduces a college student in a hotel pool as Kevin rushes to save his boys….” Everybody seems to have a price!!!

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Strip club sign with an interesting message.

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89% of Americans want texting while driving outlawed

Nine out of ten (89 %) American adults believe that sending text messages or emails while driving is distracting, dangerous, and should be outlawed, according to a new survey commissioned by mobile messaging service Pinger. Similar numbers (91%) of adults thought that drivers distracted by sending text messages or mobile email were as dangerous as drivers who had a couple of drinks.

Even though the overwhelming majority of adults thought driving while
texting is dangerous,
two in three adults (66%) who drive a car and
have used text messaging said they had read text messages or emails while they were driving
, and 57% of the same population admitted to
sending text messages or emails from behind the wheel.

* 64 percent of adults who admitted to sending text messages while driving were between the ages of 18 and 34, while only 6 percent were 55 or older

* Men and women sent text messages while driving at equal rates Methodology for Survey » Article here

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Wait - what kind of shocker?

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Britney Spears smashes into a parked car.

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Cops looking for "professionals" who took man's testicles

Russell Angus, 62, asked doctors to remove his testicles because of groin pain. They refused. He then hired "professionals" to do the surgery. Now, police are looking for the two or three individuals who illegally did the operation. » Full article here

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