Tuesday, January 15, 2008

This dude caught a swordfish with his bare hands.

Overheard on the streets of New York:

Stuffy white lady pushing stroller, to friend: I can't believe people are actually taking Justin Timberlake seriously these days.
Hipster crossing East: He brought sexy back, bitch! What the hell did you do?
--Central Park West

Health student #1: It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a women's separation to increase the population of the younger generation. I got this information from the board of education...
Health student #2: No, it should go like this: It's a man's obligation to stick his cockulation into a women's ventilation to increase the population of the younger generation of our nation. I got this information from the board of education. If you want a demonstration, lie down.
--Middle school, Manhattan

Dude #1: They have been underestimating my power.
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They have been underestimating my power for quite some time now.
Dude #2: What are you, a supervillain? Who's been underestimating your power? The justice league?
Dude #1: No, the electric company. They say I owe them eight hundred dollars.
Dude #2: Dude, you and I were having two totally different conversations.
--Penn Station

Texting guy: Hey, I tried to type 'nipple pasties,' and the phone knew the word 'pasties'!
Friend: ... Why are you texting 'nipple pasties'?
--Wyckoff & Stanhope, Brooklyn

Girlfriend: Get up!
Boyfriend, lying flat on back with vomit on shirt: You are the worst girlfriend I've ever had.
--2nd Ave, between 10th & 11th St

Drunk woman in long fur coat: Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me! I gotta pee!
Tourist: Yeah, we've been waiting for a while. [Nods in direction of unattended mop soaking in bucket, and laughs] I mean, you could always use that thing, I guess.
Drunk woman: Okay, alright -- just tell me if anyone is coming! [Hikes up coat and begins to pee in bucket.]
Tourist: Jesus Christ! I've been here one day, and I'm responsible for encouraging public urination.
--Line for restroom, McDonald's, Times Square

Blonde tourist #1: I think we have plenty of time before our train leaves. What time is it?
Blonde tourist #2: I have no idea. My cell phone is dead. [To passing suit] Um, sir? Do you know what time it is?
Suit, rolling his eyes up at huge clock, then at blondes: Nope.
--Grand Central info booth with four-sided clock on top

via

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[hilarious] You suck at Photoshop (watch all the way to the end)

Steve Jobs 90 min keynote in 60 seconds.

This is why Tom Cruise is crazy (shown at the scientology award ceremony)

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Fraternity hires 'hardcore' midget wrestling company

Northwestern's chapter of Delta Upsilon fraternity may face disciplinary action from the university after hiring an entertainment group, which bills itself as the "one and only hardcore midget wrestling company," to perform at a recruitment event last week.

At a DU event, the Half Pint Brawlers performed a show, during which they simulated sex, jumped off a ladder onto one another and stapled each other in the face, among other acts depicted in photographs and videos e-mailed to The Daily. In the videos, attendees cheered and chanted, urging the performers to "Hit him with a chair!" and "Do it again!"

According to the Half Pint Brawler's Web site, the matches involve "staple guns, thumb tacks, broken bottles (and) trash cans," and "the midgets bleed what little blood they have for your enjoyment." » Article here

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Really? Hmmm... that's sad.

Caucasian Shepherd dogs are scary as ____.

Dude shoots himself in nuts while robbing store

Police say a man accidentally shot himself in the groin as he was robbing a convenience store. A clerk told police a man carrying a semiautomatic handgun entered the Village Pantry Tuesday morning demanding cash and a pack of cigarettes.

The clerk put the cash in a bag and as she turned to get the cigarettes, she heard the gun discharge. Police say surveillance video shows the man shooting himself as he placed the gun in the waistband of his pants. The clerk wasn't injured.

A short time later, police found Derrick Kosch, 25, at a home with a gunshot wound to his right testicle and lower left leg. » Article here

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Dude runs redlight, guess what happens next?

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Dude drives his car into McDonald's after not getting fries

Police said a man was so angry he didn't get the fries he ordered he rammed his car into a McDonald's restaurant. Jacksonville police said David Spillers drove through the play area and smashed into the side of a McDonald's restaurant and then sped off. Police tracked him down by following a trail of broken glass to his car, which was parked at a nearby apartment complex.

No one was injured in the incident. Spillers is facing several charges. » Article here

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