Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Playboy towel... this is actually really clever.

Dude strangles grandmother with cord x-mas lights

A 20-year-old Daytona Beach, Fla., man is accused of killing his grandmother by strangling her with an extension cord being used for holiday lights and then slitting her throat apparently over money for drugs, according to a Local 6 News report.

Investigators said Linda Hummer was found in a pool of blood by her daughter at the woman's home. Hummer's grandson, Christopher Culp, was charged in her death.

Police said Culp went by her home Friday night offering to decorate her home for the holidays. "Last night, he came to (Hummer's) house asking for $40, which he used, according to police, for crack cocaine," Local 6's Samantha Knapp said. "He came back again looking for more money but this time, police say, he did not intend to ask."

Culp allegedly confessed to police that he strangled his grandmother with a cord and then cut her with a kitchen knife in her home. A neighbor checked Hummer after he heard the woman's daughter calling for help in the home.

"I get closer and I looked and said, 'Oh my God, somebody slit this lady's throat,'" neighbor Wenford Leachman said. "Her throat was slit all the way across."

Culp was charged with second-degree murder in connection with his grandmother's death. Article here.

Surprise mom! I decorated the bathroom!

Overheard on the streets of New York:

Girl, squealing: You may kiss me, I consent!
Guy: I'd rather have a dwarf chew off my balls. I hate you.
-Museum of Sex

50-ish female lawyer at reunion party: Hi! Remember me?
50-ish male lawyer: [Long pause] Sure. 1981. Twelve dates, a carriage ride in Central Park, and I couldn't even get a hand job from you. How's your virginity?
-Brooklyn Law School

Shish kebab vendor: Are you sure you want the really hot sauce...? And not the regular hot sauce?
Girl: Um, why?
Shish kebab vendor: Want me to describe it? It's like if I tear out your asshole and tickle it.
-Main St, Flushing

Bimbette: What's the plural of 'Jesus'? Jesuses? Jesi?
Friend: Why would you ever need to pluralize 'Jesus'? There's only one!
Bimbette: Well, like, if you were at a Halloween party or something and you had to tell your friend 'There were, like, eight Jesi at the party last night!'
Friend: Just stop talking.
-Grand Central

Young woman #1: Guys never want to eat me out.
Middle-aged dad with kids: Hey, we're trying to eat over here.
Young woman #1: See, even hearing about it freaks them out.
Young man at next table: Maybe I can take a look for you and give you my assessment.
Middle-aged dad with kids: For God's sake, this is a family restaurant!
Young woman #2: You have a very controversial vagina.
-Mickey D's, Times Square

Girlfriend: What would you do if I just suddenly grew a penis?
Boyfriend: Well, first I'd scream. Then, I'd probably jack you off.
-7 train station, Main St

Hmmm... we'll that's different.

This girl has a pickle phobia? WTF?

Parents forget their 3-month-old baby while shopping

A 3-month-old baby was left unattended in a shopping cart for about an hour Sunday when her parents accidentally left her behind, police said. Shoppers noticed the abandoned baby at a Toys "R" Us store, Midland police Sgt. Alfredo Grimaldo said.

"It was a misunderstanding among family members," Grimaldo said in Monday editions of the Midland Reporter-Telegram. "One man took the kids home and left the ladies to shop. But when he took the kids, he didn't take the baby from the cart."

The family members, who were traveling in different cars, didn't realize what happened until they all got home and nobody had the baby, he said.
"We don't think it was really a child abandonment issue. It was just a misunderstanding," Grimaldo said.

Police spokeswoman Tina Jauz said Child Protective Services is looking into the case. Article here.

The power of photoshop... before vs. after

before

after

Dutch women have the biggest boobies

Dutch women are getting bigger breasts and 32 percent of them now have a D-cup or bigger compared with 20 percent five years ago.

In Europe, Dutch women are ranked third behind British and Danish women in terms of bra size, research commissioned by Bodyfashion Promotion indicated on Wednesday.

Some 42 percent of women aged 30-39 have D-cup breasts and feel in general okay about that. Women with a large bra size are now the largest group in the Netherlands.

But the shape and size of breasts start to change once women reach the age of 40 and women then opt for a smaller bra size. Some 44 percent of surveyed girls aged 12-19 think that eating fatty foods helps increase the size of their breasts.

All survey respondents said poor nutrition habits are the cause of increased breast size. Hormones in food and the general increasing size of the population are also leading to bigger breasts. Article here.

dude... you go first...

base jumping looks awesome... and very dangerous

Mom, dad, and baby share the same birthday?

Birthdays in the Humphries-Montgomery family aren't hard to remember. Mom, dad and now baby, too, all share the same birth date.

Dynia Humphries and her husband, Brian Montgomery, were both born on December 14th. Wouldn't you know it, their son D'Majae was born on this December 14th.

It wasn't planned that way. The baby arrived at a suburban Chicago hospital two days after his due date. The new mom says no one can believe it. But Montgomery says he had a feeling it might happen months ago, when his wife first told him she was pregnant. Article here.

She totally knows what your up to but at least she's cool about it... ;)

'Average Homeboy' rap video = funny sh*t

"I have to work hard everyday, if I want the money to go out and play" -- probably the most intricate lyrics of all time ;)

Dude hurts himself at work = 5 million dollars

A devout Christian who said an accident at work boosted his libido and wrecked his marriage as he turned to prostitutes and pornography was awarded more than 3 million pounds ($5.89 million) in damages Tuesday.

Stephen Tame, 29, from Suffolk, suffered severe head injuries in a fall, transforming him from a loyal newlywed into a "disinhibited" character who had two affairs.

He was in a coma for two months after falling from a gantry while working at a bicycle warehouse shortly after his marriage in January 2002. Doctors said it was a miracle he survived.

Awarding him 3.1 million pounds in compensation at London's High Court, Judge Michael Harris said: "His life and the life of his young wife were shattered."
His former employer, Professional Cycle Marketing, of Essex, had argued through their lawyers that his injuries were not as bad as suggested in court. Article here.