[semi-sorta funny] Jimmy Kimmel's day with Richard Simmons
Sunday, April 06, 2008 | Permalink
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Across-the-Board (acrosstheboardblog.com)
This entertainment blog showcases crazy news, pictures, and celebrity gossip. Occasionally, I talk about my life as well. Consider it slapdash if you will, I prefer to describe my actions as... Across the Board. Updated whenever I feel like it.
Sunday, April 06, 2008
About Across-the-Board:
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A.C.B. is an entertainment blog originally created by Ramsey Mohsen but also consists of a team of bloggers; Lee, Celeste, Grace, Chris and Daniel.
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- "You gotta figure steak is safer because you figure no one is sticking their fingers in it"
- "Telescopic is definitely a real word"
- "You know your Mexican if you have a decal on the back of the car with your name- before you even get a license plate."
- "Looks like somebody unplugged the power the DJ booth!"
- "We are opening a new night club- the slogans going to be: Kansas City's premier HARD dance club!"
- "You figure- we probably have the best H-O-R-S-E venue in the nation."
- "I fu*kin' love carving pumpkins!"
- "1 AM @ Chubbys - "You want chicken fried steak? Ewww, I wanna vomit!"
- "If you can stick your fingers in it- and then it gets lost, thats how you know"
- "Yeah dude, she totally has side-ass."
- "I said yes, she said no, she said shut up..."
- "Are you guys really in here folding pocket squares?"
- "Last one there's a Penis Pump!"
- "DooDoo-DooDoo-Doo-Doo!!"
- "Scott the douche!"
- "Daddy! I want my oompa loompa now!!"
- "I guess the city finally did something about the squirrel problem."
- "She's just fat enough- she's probably a freak!"
- "I'm going to take a piss in the back yard. / Well that's fine, but thats the front yard."
- "While playing H-O-R-S-E: "I f*ckin' hate stadium lights (after the motion light comes on)"
- "You'd have a much bigger shaft if you'd do your balls right"
- "So is a unicorn just a horse that has one horn sticking out of its head? Oh."
- "I’d rather massage a chick with pudding."
- "We’re getting a cat and we’re naming it taint."
- "You should send her a text message and say that you want to rub her down with applebutter"
- "Never send a girl carnations unless you want her to say, 'Crap, I got carnations.'"
- "I've decided photos of girls on boats are sexier than photos of girls on the beach."
- "I’m worried that I’m going to run out of people to ask to be friends on Facebook."
- "Eat it with your hands it's tomato-saucy!"
- "I hate when movies try to make food visually stimulating."
- "She's been living for 16 years in KY jelly./Yeah, that can't be good on your eyebrows"
- "I think pregnant ladies are scary"
- "I think we should wait till it's late./When we get back it will be late./Exactly"
- "The party is at Jerry's Bait Shop! OH-OH"
- "I can't, I have to start studying for a final I have in two days... and I haven't even taken the book out of the saran wrap."
- "I don’t have to ask her for permission, I just have to persuade her to let me."
- "You should have paddled him with your penis at his wedding!"
- "Jeez-la-weez!"/Did you really just say Jeez-la-weez?"
- "Listen here bucko!/Did you really just say bucko?"
- "[Ramsey barges into Paul’s house and interrupts a group of people watching a serious movie with the lights dimmed], “Paul you’re such a damn liar, and you smell like ham” – Drunk Ramsey after the Rascal Flatts concert
- "(calling me from the casino buffet) Dude -- quit screen your calls, I wanted to tell you about the crazy amount of food I ate, I seriously, you’re probably going to think this is an exaggeration but it’s not. [excited] I ate two steaks, probably about 35 shrimp, a thing of carved turkey, a baked potato crab, a crab rangoon, some fried rice, two rolls, and a teeny piece of pie at the end. Fucking most food I’ve ever eaten -- this place is fuckin’ [short pause] we have got to start coming here on Thursdays! Anyways, I’ll be home in a little bit, later bye."
- "Birth control is the best invention ever... [pause], so are condoms"
- "So I've been thinking of taking up smoking as a hobby..."
- "You would of been funny in the 80's"
- "I wonder what T.J. Ford is up to?"
- "You made out with him because you wanted to feel his suede jacket? That's awesome."
- "Júlio… Baptista!! A.K.A. ‘the bat’"
- "Fuckin' cock block!"
- "Dude, I’d rather rollerblade on a treadmill"
- "Scott: Craig's List is awesome! Ramsey: Really? What do you look for? Scott: Oh, you know -- snowboards, motorcycles, and bed frames. Ramsey: Wait, what? Dude, that's pretty random shit."
- "Can I have a dollar!!!!!"
- "This is the best day ever! - Andy (from the Bachelor -- yeah, we watched it)
- "My tires will not miss all the pot holes Lawrence, KS has to offer"
- "I'm still pissed none of Paris Hilton's singles were popular"
- "Whoa dude, look... boobs."
- "Feverdo"
- "Take a right, take a right..."