John Mayer f#$%s with his fans in a bear suit.

'Don't worry, I like it when people lick my face.'

New office game; Faceball, 'your face, our balls'

So what is Faceball? At its simplest level Faceball involves two people hitting beachballs at each other's faces. At a deeper level it's a vehichle for the release of personal animosity, and the shaming of the weak. >> Read more, and see an instructional video at http://faceball.org

I need an unstable woman for a drama filled relationship

via http://www.ofuzi.com;

"Hi there, I’m seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 3-9 month relationship with, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings.

My name is Lloyd, I live in Chicago , I’m 27 years old, fairly well educated, I hold down a good job and am pretty stable. I’m told I’m fairly good looking, but I’ll let you be the judge of that - I’m generally caring and very honest.

I am looking for an attractive female who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion - but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead her to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other party - or if we’re lucky - both!

You should:
* be 20 to 35 years old;
* have a history of short, intense, drama-driven relationships;
* enjoy degrading and dehumanizing sex;
* have undergone negative psychiatric evaluations in the past; and
* be willing to threaten self-harm and/or annihilation as a weapon to control your partner and make them stay with you and care for you.

Although not completely necessary, I would prefer women:
* with nice smiles;
* that have larger than average breasts;
* who are married or already in unstable relationships;
* that drink to forget; and
* who have had a previous established diagnosis of Borderline or Dependent Personality Disorder or Bi-Polar Affective Disorder - or who are currently taking Lithium Carbonate, SSRIs, or Tri-cyclic antidepressants.

If you think you meet these requirements (and wow, I’m getting excited just writing them!), please don’t hesitate to get back to me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thank you for reading my advert, and do take care.

All the best, Lloyd"

20 Things I Learned From The Internet:

• You want it, you can find it online.


• If you don't want it, you can also find it online.


• Everyone has a website. Grandfathers, mothers and babies. Everyone.


• If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.


• The Internet is the geeks playground. Here, we rule.


• Not that you would ever need to know the dietary habits of the South American anteater, but it's comforting to know you could find it online if you did.


• When in doubt, Wikipedia.


• Explaining the Internet to someone who's never been online, is like explaining the Magna Carta to your cat.


• Almost everything of substance can be summed up with a “DUDE! Check this out!' and a hyperlink.


• There is no such thing as 'sufficient bandwidth'.


• There's always something new.


• You can never go back once you've tried it. via

This taxi is 'riding dirty' on 30" rims. Damn.

1996 Ford Crown Victoria with 30-inch MHT Dub Esinem wheels, 315/30/30 Pirelli Scorpion Zero Tires and custom lifted suspension, built for RIDES Magazine by Don Whitmire of Wheel Concepts, Staten Island, NY.

...if Sanjaya wins (American Idol)

Simon says he'll quit the show.
Tell the world!
What will you do...
If Sanjaya Wins?

-Michael from Rio De Janeiro, Brazil:
If Sanjaya wins, I will pack up my children's bag and send them to Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch for Blanket's surprise b-day Slumber party.

-Jim from Florida:
If Sanjaya wins, I will will snort Keith Richards armpit hair.

-Mike from West Palm Beach, Florida:
If Sanjaya wins, I’ll braid my armpit hair and tie it to the ceiling fan blades, turn the speed to high and spin around my room like a giant piñata.

-Heather from Illinois:
If Sanjaya wins, the Cubs win a World Series.

-Courtney from Bridgton, Maine:
If Sanjaya wins, the Apocalypse will occur immediately after his "victory," God will appear, tell us all we've been punk'd, and all human existence will cease to be. So long humanity...so long.

Read more and submit your own at http://ifsanjayawins.com.

Honey, you gotta trust me -- just don't move please.

The worst song lyrics of all time:

"Coast to coast L.A. to Chicago"
--Sade's 'Smooth Operator'

"Young, black and famous With money hangin' Out the anus"
--Puff Daddy and Mase's 'Can't Nobody Hold Me Down'

"Your butt is mine"
--Michael Jackson's 'Bad'

"My panty line shows, Got a run in my hose, My hair went flat, Man I hate that"
--Shania Twain's 'Honey I'm Home'

"Now you're amazed, By the VIP posse, Steppin' so hard, Like a German Nazi"
--Vanilla Ice's 'Play That Funky Music'

"I wish it was Sunday, That's my fun day, My I-don't-have-to-run day"
--The Bangles' 'Manic Monday'

"I ain't never seen, An ass like that, The way you move it, You make my pee-pee go, 'Doing-doing-doing'"
--Eminem's 'Ass Like That'

"There's an insect, In your ear, If you scratch, It won't disappear"
--U2's 'Staring at the Sun'

"I love you like a fat kid loves cake"
--50 Cent's '21 Questions'

"Lucky that my breasts, Are small and humble, So you don't confuse, Them with mountains"
--Shakira's 'Whenever, Wherever'

See the full list here.

[via craigslist] 'To My Neighbor Who Left the Note'

via craigslist.com (washington,dc):

"Thanks for being polite, but I’m afraid that I’m going to keep fucking my girlfriend as hard as I can. You see, right now I’m the only person living in my building, so I have no neighbors in the immediate vicinity to disturb. Not only that, but my girlfriend normally only stays the night on weekends. Considering that we don’t have sex when she’s menstruating, that’s only three weekends a month that you may hear her screaming. It’s not like it’s every night. Not to mention the fact that she likes it when I fuck her hard and… to tell you the truth… I like it too. So, until one of the other apartments is rented out, we’re going to continue to enjoy ourselves unrestrained. But don’t worry… I heard from my landlord that they’ll be renting out the apartment above me soon. And when they do, I’ll have to tone it down. But until then..."